Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Pop! Crackle! Excitement!

My husband's parents died several years ago. He had an aunt who took him under her wing and treated him like a son.

She died today. She was 93.

My husband wants to send flowers for her service, but we really can't afford it. We didn't send flowers for my own mother's funeral, for goodness sake. I think we are getting a plant at Home Depot and adding a nice bow and card. If he insists on flowers, well, I do have my emergency credit card.

I had foot surgery Saturday. It went great. I got to go home Sunday. I have been laying around since then.

I will miss the Friday bible study in my neighborhood...again! They are only 10 houses away, but I can't sit up for long amounts of time, it causes so much pressure in my foot. I'm chilling on the pain pills. I might break out the bottle of wine I bought for Thanksgiving and never opened. It should be thoroughly chilled by now.

I had a crack head nurse at the hospital. I had the choice of IV drugs-which basically made me sleep so I wasn't in pain- or pain pills, which somehow keep me awake and give me energy but leave me in pain. I wanted the IV meds so I could sleep and she kept saying "But the pills are so much better!" Then she pulled a Nurse Jackie on me and cheated me out of my last shot before releasing me. I hope she enjoyed it!

It's New Years and I am watching 7th Heaven reruns on TV.

I live the good life!

I got my feelings hurt. On Facebook. By my pastor of all people. I posted asking prayers for my husband's loss of his aunt. The pastor always leaves little comments on every post. On every post except mine. I get the feeling he doesn't like me and Bobo as well as some of the monied members of the church. Oh well. God's gonna get him for it. Bobo is so enamored of this church we go to and that he went to at my urging. He goes every Saturday night. Now I want to drop out and be a pagan.

I'm not on fire for Jesus.

I did look at the Pagan churches website. It hasn't been updated in 2 years.

Looks like I might be going back to lighting candles under the Full Moon and burning pieces of paper with my wishes on them.

But the moon would never hurt my feelings on Facebook!

Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Christ Mass

Merry Christmas to all those who celebrate it! Have a warm winter to those who don't!

I have mentioned a board I used to post on, that was originally about the Duggar Family. It gradually evolved into a bunch of heathen bitches who mocked and ridiculed people of every religion. I stopped posting there in July, but I still lurk there. Sometimes I find things that pique my interest and I read the on my own.

So I go there this morning and what do I see?

"Merry Christmas!"
"May the joy of the Holiday Season bring you much peace and happiness!"
"Blessed is the day of Our Savior's birth!"
Someone even quoted the story of Jesus' birth in scripture.

I can only hope they all found Jesus, if just for 1 day this year. But being the hypocritical bitches they are, they will be back to hating on God tomorrow. Maybe they love only Baby Jesus, like the family in Talledega Nights. Maybe they don't like the Jesus who wear sandals, has a beard and looks like a hippie.

Their loss.

I am a Christian but I am not on fire for Jesus. I don't pray for good parking places or go into a trance when I am praying. God loves me, I love him and we have a good understanding.

I missed the Christmas program at church last night. I missed it last year. I think I missed it the year before.

I would like to be a better Christian but something inside me refuses to ignite.

I have been a Pagan.

I have been a follower of Eastern religion in general.

Heck, I was once one of those gung-ho Christians who went out witnessing and giving out Chick tracts. I even taught Backyard Bible Club, which is where they drop you off in ghetto with a gallon of Kool-Aid, a package of cheap cookies, your bible and a felt board.

It is the gung-ho Christian church that hurt my heart the most. I got accused of being a HO when I hadn't  even kissed a boy. Going to public school was enough to cement in everyone's mind I was the one giving it out for free. I stopped going to church. Little did they know, my mother turned down a full scholarship for me from 9th grade on. She told me at the time it was to keep me from getting stuck-up. I found out later it was because she asked for them to give one to my little ignorant half-sister. When they refused, she turned mine down for me also. I got all A's, my sister was a C or D student. Good reason to refuse to give the heifer a scholarship. But I was the one who missed out.

I am more comfortable being a Pagan with Buddhist with Pagan leanings.

If I ever admitted that, I would be immediately thrown on a million prayer lists and judged as being a false Christian. Even though the Bible says "Judge not, lest ye be judged."

So I have lots of people at church on my Facebook friends list. My husband and I are supposed to go a Bible study group next week that meets every other Friday just around the corner from me, about 10 houses away. I can see the house from my backyard.

I just go, I try not to make waves. I try not to be noticed.

I am a lukewarm Christian.

But today is Christmas. I saw my grandkids. They loved their gifts. I got a cute ceramic bank that looks like a Chinese takeout container. Bobo got a rod and reel. We got a $20 gift certificate to our favorite Chinese restaurant. I didn't buy gifts for anyone but the grandkids.

We stayed home. We bought a ham and a small cake. I made a huge corn casserole. We have good ice cream. We've got a bottle of wine.

I got more gifts this year than I have ever gotten, even though I got no one any gifts. In addition to the bank and restaurant certificate, I got a Soda Stream, a Miche shell for my purse, some really nice Bobbi Brown lip gloss, a Harley Davis Tervis tumbler, some huge fake diamond earrings, a cute pink can of mace and a kitty cat thing you use to stab evil people, a tree, a shrub, and a new case for my iPhone! Quite a haul!

And it is a bummer of a Christmas!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The Funk Rolls On

I went to my appointment at the butt crack of dawn yesterday. Despite the urgency the FP doc felt, the Ortho doctor said he would prefer someone else look at it. I am free to run amuck for Christmas, but my foot may be rotting off.

I have been very stingy with the pain pills, so I have enough to last me a while. I will have to go in and see the doctor again to get more, but since they are 5 minutes away and my co-pay is $5, it's not a big sacrifice to see him again.

I am supposed to go to lunch at Chickie's grandmother's house today. I have decided to make corn casserole. I have to get it in the oven in an hour so it can cook properly. It will come out of the oven hot, so I will just put a couple of towels down in the floor of the backseat of the car and when I get there, I will put a lid on it and put it in the carrier. I plan on sprinkling the cheese over the top the second it comes out of the oven, because it might get too rubbery if it has to be reheated. I am hoping the towels will keep it warm for the 1 hour drive to her house.

To be honest, I really don't want to go. I would rather just make a ham for us at home and stay here. I planned on just cleaning up the house and making a small meal for meal and Bobo, but Root texted me Friday that we were invited to eat with them. The fact they got the invitation before Thanksgiving and decided to tell us 4 days ahead of time doesn't sit well with me. Chickie is not to ever be trusted, so I feel she has a secret agenda. I have no gifts for anyone, I don't have my teeth yet and I just feel like if I go, it will be 9th grade gym all over again. I will be made to feel like I am the geek who has no social skills.

I may just stay home. I would like to see her family, but I am getting an uneasy feeling about this. I have a problem with her and while I love her family, I don't want to see her. She's gonna be all fake and I might SNAP! like a rubber band.

I am going to try to convince Bobo we don't need to go.

Friday, December 20, 2013

Just As Merry As Last Year

I spent Christmas last year in the hospital getting a toe amputated due to diabetes.

Looks like I will do the same this year.

My leg injury led me to the doctor's office today. They took x-rays. The doctor came in and told me my x-rays were not good.

They were bad.

I thought he meant they were defective and needed to be retaken.


I am missing the majority of bones my left foot (the problem last year was the right). An infection has set in and eaten most of the bone away.

He made me an appointment with an orthopedic doctor. He couldn't get me in today, most of the clinics in my insurance network close at 1:00 on Friday. I go Monday at 7:15 a.m. He had to beg for that one- I heard it- hence the ungodly hour.

I was told to pack for the hospital and be ready to check in so they can chop off another toe.

Then my son called and they want to do Christmas Monday night at my house. I am also nvited to Chickie's grandmother's house for lunch Tuesday.

These are my only Christmas functions I have to attend.

I will try to keep my pending hospital admission up to Tuesday afternoon.

Hopefully I won't need to go to the hospital at all.

But I have a feeling of dread that checking into the hospital will become a regular Christmas tradition.

For a while, anyway. I only have 9 toes at the moment. Maybe eight after next week.

The upside? Free high speed Wi-Fi, good crushed ice and I.V. painkillers on a regular basis.

Gotta look for the silver lining!

Pray for me! I need my toes.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Holiday Funk

Over Thanksgiving, I went to Destin, FL. with a couple of ladies I know. I drove my car, but they paid the gas, bought all my food and paid my share of the condo rate. It was still cheaper to use my car than for them to rent one.

We ate at every delicious seafood restaurant and shopped at every outlet store there. I did all my shopping for the grandkids for next to nothing.

I did something stupid. I got my leg stuck in the bathtub. I was getting out and turned my left leg sideways to give me leverage. It got stuck. I was panicked. I ended up using shampoo to lube it out, but my ankle has been swollen and now my entire leg is in extreme pain. I couldn't get in to see my doctor because the other doctor retired and the one I see is taking on ALL the patients. I had to change doctors, which I hated to do, but I can't wait until the middle of January, I have already gone almost a month unable to put pressure on my left leg. I wonder if I fractured it or something.

Right after I got back, I had all my teeth pulled for dentures. When they open up again on Jan. 6, I will get molds made and eventually get dentures made. I picked out Liv Tyler's teeth. And I am getting very white teeth, the whitest they make. I mean, everybody wants white teeth and they will get darker eventually, so I am starting out with the whitest teeth possible.

I have no interest in Christmas. I have no tree, no lights outside, no shit. I am just a grouch this year.

Chickie still has not spoken or seen me, which means I haven't seen the kids or my on.

When I do see her, I am going to tell her to get out her bible and read Psalms 37:21 and then she can tell me how holy she is.

Monday, November 18, 2013

the last few weeks...

I did get married. Root called my husband and said he and Scracthy would by going but Chicky and Itchy were sick so they were staying home. They ended up coming but when I asked Itchy if she was feeling better, she gave me a crazy look and said "I'm fine."
   "Isn't your mom sick?"
   "No, she wanted to go to a jewelry party but Root made her go here instead."
   Lying snake. I hate her.
   I didn't even say a word to her.
   She refuses to use her FSA to pay for my teeth, which is what she promised all year. She considers TEETH elective! But I have enough money to pay for it.
   I am so disappointed in my son. Thy will never get into their house. If they do, they won't be able to make the monthly payments. They will  need me before I ever need them. Sorry, I won't be able to help them.
   I have been watching to stab Chickie in the heart. I really wish she were dead. She's ruined my son and she's ruining her 2 kids. She's even worse that her husband, using the kids as a bartering tool. What's worse is that she knows how that hurts people. She doesn't deserve those kids.
   They know I love them. I just hope they remember me.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

Halloween Eve

I can't get into Halloween this year.

I have the stuff to decorate outside, the candy to make treat bags. It's supposed to rain hard tomorrow night, so I imagine I won't have many doorknocker. But I want to make it special for those who do brave the weather for candy!

I guess I will turn on the light for the few who make it out.

Maybe I will get in the mood overnight.

if not...


Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Bite Me

I have always had bad teeth, for a variety of reasons:
  • My first dentist said I had no adult roots. He recommended crowns for all my teeth. I had one a week put on at a very young age. Soon, they all fell out. I had a box of pretty silver teeth.
  • I didn't live in an area with fluoridated water until I was 3.
  • I was very ill in my 20's and vomited a lot. I always brushed as quickly as possibly. Wrong. I just scrubbed the acid into my teeth, weakening them.
  • I got hit in the face with a softball, which I believe cracked my front teeth. They fell out later while I was eating lunch at work.
I "bit The bullet". I went to the local dental college orientation and screening, I am a good candidate for dentures. While that frightens me, I am elated that I get to pick my own tooth color and shape. Yes! The possibilities are endless.

Whose teeth would you choose? Please leave comments! I need help!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Dell Can Go To HELL!

I called Dell to correct the software issue. They tried to sell me a damn service plan for $249.99 to correct what they didn't fix.

I got pissed. I called my credit card to dispute the charge for what I had already paid them. They got some nerve wanting me to pay for it and it's not even operable. Now they want more money. Screw that! I will never buy another Dell product again.

I'm about to hit twitter and go all Dooce on them!

Saturday, October 5, 2013

Ding Dong Dell

I got my computer back from Dell repair.

It sucks worse than  it did before.

I have complained but they are saying it is a software issue. Someone is supposed to call me.


Is It Worth Getting Wedding Cake?


My church is doing a really unusual thing. The pastor is doing a series of 5 sermons- well, actually 4 sermons- about marriage, for both married couples and singles. The 5th week, the sermon is going to be a HUGE wedding for couples to renew their vows or for any unmarried couples to have a wedding if they have their licenses. It's going to be huge- our church has several florists, bakers and caterers among its rank who have volunteered their time and donated their services.

My marriage has not been a thing of joy. In fact, I have spent more time unhappy than happy. I am hesitant to participate in the wedding service. So what does my husband do the second we get home from church? He texts my son and tells him we are getting remarried, would he please come and bring his wife?

My son texted him back: R U kidding? R U marrying mom or somebody else?

My husband's reply when I asked him why he mentioned it to our son? "Well, he wasn't at the first one!"

Ummm, yes he was, dumbass! He was just a very tiny fetus in my womb. He was the reason we married in the first place, remember?

My husband is going to be a freaking bridezilla, I just know it! He's already talking about the clothes he is going to need.

I really don't want to do it. To be honest, it feels like making the same mistake twice. I prefer to learn from my mistakes rather than repeat them.

I would rather have a divorce than a vow renewal.

But I do love wedding cake.

Quite the quandary!

Friday, October 4, 2013

Making Your Heart Sing

Back when I was haunting the Mean Girl's Forum, there was a blog they picked to bits, discussing how irresponsible the mother was and what horrible conditions the family lived in. On a whim, I hunted this blog down via my Googling skills.

The blog is about a woman who is  taking her 4 daughters- who are not yet school age- around Australia in a Coaster- a vehicle similar to an old VW van. She does have a home and people who housesit for her. She does have people housesitting for her and she has stored the majority of her possessions in an enclosed barn on the property, so her sitters can bring in their own furnishings. She still has the luxury of moving back and using the items in her barn. It's not like she rid herself of all possessions and ran away. She methodically planned a "free time" while still leaving herself open to the possibility of going back and living a proper life in society.

The sad part is that she had a 5th child- a son- whom her husband drowned at the age of 7 months. He is in jail awaiting trial. So she is doing a good thing, removing her children from the negative attention they receive from being in the house where they all lived together in happier times. She is making new memories for her girls. They go where they want, sleep in the van and visit with friends. When they are with friends, they can sleep inside, have regular access to free laundry and shower facilities. It is the ideal life.

The Mean Girls thought her a horrible mother who needed CPS put on her trail. I totally disagree. This mom is dealing with heartbreak and doing it the best way she knows how- by making her family happy. I wish I had the luxury to travel and see interesting sites. The Mean Girls are just jealous because this woman is living HER life outside the box. Her children are happy, clean and well-fed. She does what will make them happy. She's not tied to a job or a husband she hates, and she's with her children all the time. I remember once they spent several days berating the mom for spending an entire day with her girls in a museum. There's nothing wrong with that. I would do it in a heartbeat.

The bottom line is the Mean Girls have 5 threads, each with 99 pages, which each contain 20 negative nasty comments. Almost 10,000 posts about what this mother is doing wrong.

I have only one thing to say- I am glad she is making her girls happy and making their heart's sing. They need it after all the tragedy they have in their life.

More power to her!

Monday, September 30, 2013

Why I Hate Dane Cook

I am one of the few people on this planet who thought Dane Cook was funny. I watched his stand-up on HBO, Comedy Central and youtube. I also thought he was very sexy and sat through every vapid movie  he made. He has a hot body, I'm not denying that. I imagined he would be a cool person to befriend, one you could hang out with and nod in sympathy at his bad girlfriend stories. Maybe he would escort you somewhere if you asked him nicely.

So I decided to follow him on Twitter. I find his verified listing, click follow and get this message...

You have been blocked from following this account at the request of the user.

He doesn't know me. Out of over 3 million followers I have been blocked. I don't know if he's gotten me confused with someone else or I won a "Get Cock-Blocked by Dane Cook" contest I don't remember entering.

I've never done anything to him. Maybe he would accept me as a follower if I sent him a picture of my tits- or maybe that will make him go blind.

He went to the trouble to block me, or at least one of his handlers decided to- who knows. Maybe he had a dream that he should block me or danger would befall him- like a sub-plot of a Final Destination movie.

Someone took the time to block me from his account for some unknown reason.

I guess I should be flattered.

I think this is how stalkers get started.

Note that Dane Cook isn't doing anything to get the monkey away from his ear.

If you aren't old enough to get the significance of the above picture I posted of him, Google Richard Pryor, monkey and Q-tip.

Now you know why I hate Dane Cook.

I hate him almost as much as I hate Dell Computer Company. I would say they both suck equally.

All Off Schedule

Bobo and I ended up not going with Root, Chickie and the kids to the beach. There were several reasons:

  • The last time we vacationed with them, Bobo and his bad back ended up on a futon. I got the air mattress. Which obviously had a leak because I woke up flat on the hard floor. Root and Chickie got the master bedroom, her parents usurped the other room and the kids slept on the sofa. I am too creaky to put up with that in this day and age.
  • Chickie is still trying to use the kids to control me. If I didn't act perfectly to her UNSPOKEN standards, she would have me stop watching the kids. I finally told her last week, if she pulled that crap again, I wouldn't watch them after school any longer. She threw a fit, so now she has to get her brother to drive 40 miles each way to watch them for 2 hours twice a week. And she has to pay hm. She's hemmed and hawed around about me watching them again and I always change the subject.
  • They only had it from 4 p.m.  Friday until 2 p.m. Sunday. They hadn't left by 2 Friday afternoon and it's a 6 hour drive.
  • The dog...enough said!
  • The final straw: the weather showed it was raining where they were. I couldn't fathom being stuck in the house with her for an entire day. I know that somehow the police and the EMTs would be involved.
So we stayed home. I am putting the money toward the trip to Destin I am taking the week of Thanksgiving. I imagine it will be lots of fun.

Root did buy me 5 lbs. of shrimp for $4 a pound. I peeled a bit yesterday and sautéed it in olive oil with garlic powder, onion powder and Cajun seasoning. I ate it with strong cocktail sauce. I look forward to eating shrimp all week. I am saving the heads and shells to make broth for gumbo. I found a big steak in the freezer, so I will be having surf and turf tonight!

I missed my wound care appointment last week, I just couldn't make myself go. I know I need to go, but I was just a wimp last week. The treatment hurts. But I made one for tomorrow and set my alarm so I will wake up.

I keep thinking about how nice the beach will be. Bobo will go to his aunt's house for Thanksgiving dinner, so he won't be alone. The women I am going with are two sisters and their sister-in-law. They are all friends. They shop and eat fresh seafood all week. They like thrift stores, not so-called antique stores were the prices are triple and it's still junk. They are all very casual. They do get dressed up for dinner Friday night. I have a dress I bought for the Root trip, so I am set!

I did order 2 new hoodie sweatshirts on ebay. I have lost my old hoodie, so I bought a black one and a pink one to replace it. You have to have a hoodie on the beach. I hope to lose enough weight to fit in my new jeans by then, the ones I have now are so ragged! I actually put the new jeans on once but they were too tight. Then I gained a few pounds back. So I have about 6 weeks to knock some bootie off. I am going back on the no carbs thing and hopefully those dang jeans will fit.

I gained weight because I was taking those strong antibiotics and they made everything I put in my mouth taste like crap. I should have used it to my advantage but I went the other way and kept eating, trying to get the taste out of my mouth. I have a few diet pills left, I might break them out.

I keep having a dream that I find a Louis Vuitton bag full of money and no ID. I know I would just turn it in to the police but in my dream, I go shopping and spend all the money on clothes. But I'm skinny! Then the police find me because her cellphone is in the purse and they use the GPS to track me. But the money is gone. I end up giving the police the purse but don't mention the money. I've had it a couple of times, and my mom has even been in a couple (there was a white carousel horse used as a logo on one of the stores, so I know it was her). I guess I will have to look up the dream on-line and see what it means. Also I will not buy a Louis Vuitton bag and fill it with money, just in case!

As Disney says, dreams can come true.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Another Perfect Week-end...and GONORRHEA!

I have developed some lovely ulcers around my ostomy stoma. I went to the doctor, who gave me  shot, 2 anit-biotics, pain pills- YEAH!- and a referral to a wound care center.

The wound care senter is cool. No problem there.

The shot hurt like hell and I have had this drug before. It helps keep the skin from rotting. They give it for anything from bee stings to leprosy.

Pain pills- just what the doctor ordered,

I look up the antibiotics on the internet. One is good for flea bites, malaria, anthrax and...


So I look up the second drug. Flea bites, malaria anthrax...


My husband picked them up at the drug store and the bottles were labeled incorrectly. I am supposed to take them in a specific order- 1 pink pill with a full glass of water, 6 hours later a pink pill and blue pill with a full glass of water, 6 hours later a pink pill with a full glass of water, 6 hours later both pills with a full glass of water. You get the drill. I found this out from the Internet.

I can only guess the pharmacist would have told me this info if I had picked them up myself. But since Bobo got them, I guess the druggist was afraid he would spill the beans that it would seem I am suffering from gonorrhea.

I told my best friend about this and we laughed over it. Then last night at church, he sent me a text: IS YOUR GONORRHEA FEELING BETTER? Remind me to never read any text messages in church, even before the service starts, m'kay?

I had read about this huge church garage sale that was to be Saturday. I actually got up early. Drive to the church, hoping I can find a close parking place. What I find is...an empty lot! I did hit a few sales and scored a garden hose reel, a big waterproof radio and a beautiful ceramic cross for my living room, all for $12! I was actually heading to home depot to but a hose reel for about $40, so I saved $28!

The cross kind of bugged me later. Did they go through the house and pick out stuff they could live without? Um, dusty silk flowers, tarnished brass plant holders, and oh, let's see, this representation of Jesus dying on the cross for my sins?

Oh well, I got a bargain for $2! Maybe God was sending me a message.

P.S. I promise I didn't hang it upside down! HAHA!

Friday, August 30, 2013

Confessions of a Mean Girl

A while back I mentioned that I frequented a mean girl message board. I resolved not to post there anymore.

I weakened.

I posted there for a few months. About a month ago, I posted something on there, Something they had wondered about for years, speculating what might have happened. It involved a major social leader, a very powerful female with a lot of clout. I posted the truth about what happened, which is something that happened years ago.

I got my ass handed to me on a plate.

How did I know? Didn't I realize I was spreading rumors? Who was I to tell this tale?

To be succinct, I had first hand knowledge, I made a promise to a friend not to tell while she was employed by the figure and I was tired of seeing them post the questions about what had happened. I knew the answers.

So now I am am outcast. Out of 159 replies, three were positive. One verified what I said via another source, a source no where as close as I was. No one apologized. or thanked me for clearing up the matter. I was chewed up and spit out.

Needless to say, the bitches on that board are garbage to me now. I did a bit of lurking but I'm not going to even waste my time doing that. One poster put it in perspective when she said that the board refused to believe anything that didn't fit their fantasy of what happened.

I am real.

But I swear on the 9 toes I have left, I won't ever darken their board again. Even as a lurker. The hive mentality is too much for me to bear.

I believe in truth.

I was as brainwashed as those bitches were convinced their subject choices were. I wish I could go back and erase all existence of my association with them. But the internet is forever.

They are convinced they are forcing change upon a certain group of people. Now I see them for what they are- a hate group, as much as hate group as the Nazis. They were self-important. I was never mean and tried to keep them from digging too hard at anyone. They were convinced they were affecting a large change. Yeah, 900 people against the world.

But they are a hate group. I wish I could apologize to each person who ever crossed their path.

I am ashamed of myself.

The Box

Dell sent me a box to mail the other computer back in for service, even though I paid extra for someone to work on it in my home.

But it is progress.


Never Surrender

I didn't apologize.

But Chickie did, yesterday. She said she was sorry for hurting me. She needs me to baby-sit. My son talked her into it. I don't know how sincere she was about it.

But she broke first.

Not me.

I still don't need her in my life. She has ruined my son, is self-esteem, his credit rating.

I have to remember I am doing it for my son and my grandkids.

Not her.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Rough Weather Ahead...

Chickie did it this time. She was having an argument with Itchy at a restaurant the other night. I was speaking to Itchy and Chickie interrupted me by yelling at me, like so loud every head in our section of the restaurant turned to see who waking the ruckus. I briefly had the thought of going all Real Housewives on her ass and throwing a drink on her or flipping the table. But throwing drink at someone loses a bit of effectiveness unless it's a cocktail, not iced tea.

My son spoke up for me the first time in the 6 years he has known her. So she turned her wrath on him. She said "I'm sorry" to me. I had tears in my eyes for the rest of the night.

She called me yesterday and I was civil and polite to her. She started saying what's wrong? I told her I didn't want to discuss it. It does take me a while to get over things like that but it's not like I was being ugly to her.

She kept asking and I told her. She flew into a rage. She was yelling so loudly I couldn't hear her. I told her when she yells like that, she sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher and I can't understand her. That set her off again. Finally she hung up on me.

Then she called me back and yelled some more. This time she didn't want me to watch her kids. Yeah, she's a terrorist who uses her kids as a bargaining tool. Then she hung up on me again.

I sent her a text saying she owed me 2 apologies for hanging up on me and let me know if she wants me to watch her kids. I asked her not to call me again if she was going to hang up on me because that is harassment. I got no reply.

My son calls me this morning, asking me to watch the kids for him, not her. I told him she needed to apologize for hanging up on me and he said that won't be happening. I told him I would watch the kids but I really don't want any interaction with her, in any shape, form or fashion.

So I am watching the kids.

We had all been planning a beach vacation together and now I refuse to go. Not just because of her latest bad behavior, but the last time we went with her and her parents on a getaway, Root and Chickie got one bedroom and her parents got the other bedroom. We were relegated to the playroom with the pool table, forced to sleep on an air mattress- me, and a futon- my husband with the bad back. When I woke up, the air mattress was flat- slow leak, I guess. Neither of them offered to switch with us for the second night. Her mom and dad went and bought groceries we all chipped in on, but they shopped without consulting us and I couldn't eat most of the food.

I don't see any reason way this would benefit me, since no one considered our needs. Now that she has been so ugly to me, I really refuse to go. She can invite her brother and his girlfriend to take our places. It can be a family trip for them. I'm not going to spend money to get treated like a second class citizen. My money is worth just as much as their money and spends the same. There's no reason for us to go if we are going to get treated like crap.

I was willing to go and overlook what happened on the last vacation. But not now. I don't want to be in a social situation with her. No dinners, no school programs, no family functions.

I also think if someone hags up on you, they don't want to hear your voice. So I am going to limit my contact with her. I will watch her kids, period. No favors, no special trips to Target to get her anything. She has no idea what she has done.

She has unleashed the Seether.


Thursday, August 8, 2013

In case you were still wondering...

Dell computer company SUCKS!

Making Progress

Guess what? My room has clean spots now! I know if you look at it as an entire room, it still looks trashed. But I can see that the pile of laundry is gone, the hangers are in my wardrobe and closet instead of scattered across the floor and the piles of books that were stacked beside my bed are now neatly in the bookcase. I am ignoring the pile of Very Important Papers piled next to the bed. I ordered a kick-ass filing system from Amazon- clear filing tote with black hanging files and pink folders- but I might desecrate it if I actually put papers in it.

I had the kids for a few days for the entire day. We ended up lounging on my bed and watching movies. The boy had his Nintendo DS and the girl is a whiz at Flow Free on my iPhone. We ate some fast food, but not too much. We spent 2 hours at McDonald's at one of prime pieces of real estate- one of the tables in the McPlay area with the touch screen games. I cooked a few meals and I am proud to say I ate a lot less than they did- I'm getting the hang of this! I've lost 6 lbs. since last week. I can't wait to get out the skinny jeans and lounge around the kitchen drinking my coffee!

I did have the pleasure of going over to Chickie's and going through the junk she was putting out for her yard sale. All I did was retrieve a few things I had loaned to my son way before he even met her. She was selling a Depression glass platter she got from her grandmother, but pride got the better of me. I didn't ask for it. I told her it was worth quite a bit of money. She said she didn't care. Oh well. She's gonna give some old lady an orgasm and possibly a heart attack when she sells it for $1!

I didn't qualify for the pain study but I may qualify for one coming up. My doctor did give me an anti-depressant and it is actually helping me to avoid remembering my knees are killing me. I do have a few pain pills left, but I am saving them. I am in the mindset of thinking I have them if I need them, but I am stronger than that. If I had none, I would feel there was no help available. It's a mindfuck, actually.

They are about to start building a house next door to us. I think my dog is going to hate this.

My tomatoes have far surpassed my expectations. I need to cage those bitches! They are waist high and have tons of blossoms on them. So I have to go get cages tomorrow. I lost a rainbow pepper plant and crookneck squash because my dog ate them. Oh well, can't win them all. Maybe next year I will plant those tiny hot Thai chilis, just to teach him a lesson or two about eating stuff from my garden.

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Boring Life

I don't have much to post. I have been watching the kids some, but they start school next Wednesday. I guess after that I start going to the Y to swim every morning and work on getting some of the blubber off my butt. I need to find my lock.

I have had a new revelation about food. Every time I think about eating food, I think twice and ask myself, "Would I eat this if I were skinny?" It seems like it is helping me either say NO to a food or eat a smaller portion.

I want to be a size 6 or 8, even if I would be a decent size at size 12. I want to wear skinny jeans and hang out in my kitchen drinking coffee. In my skinny jeans.

A girl can dream, right?

Saturday, July 27, 2013

I feel a sin coming on...

I did a bad bad thing.. I am skipping church tonight. I still have 2 chances to go tomorrow. The bad thing is I got Bobo fired up to go to church before I realized I didn't really want to go. So I told him to go without me. I would hate to be the reason he goes to Hell. So he got dressed and went. I hope he doesn't sit by himself.

I just feel like crap. I woke at 6:00 this morning, stayed up until 11:00 and went back to sleep until 3:00. I have to get my sleep back in order. I need structure. I need to exercise and eat better. I need a million dollars.

Good luck with that, Lulu!

What would you do with a million dollars?

Monday, July 22, 2013

Full Moon Looker

Tonight is the full moon. I need to look at the full moon and take a gander. Make a wish.
  • I need to resolve the situation with my disability insurance company. They need to pay me the benefits I purchased when I was well.
  • Bobo needs to get either a job or his disability case started up again. Life ain't free, Butthead!
  • I need to stop hating on Betty, the pastor's wife, for not friending me on face book. It's her loss, not mine. It just showed me what a true blue bitch she is at the core.
  • I need to clean up my room. It looks like a cross over of Hoarders and Untold Stories of the ER. I am setting a bad example for the grandkids.
I am going to a medical research group tomorrow and hope to get in. I am having phantom pains in the foot that I didn't have surgery on. The doctors refuse to give me pain meds, stating some new law that went into effect, limiting the number of pain pills I can get. They are counting the meds I got after surgery. No fair, what about the pain medication I refused? Can I get a do over? The only work around is to go through a clinical trial. I hope they give me heroin or something to get the pain gone.

More news later.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

the 4th of what???

Is it July already? Somehow this year has flown by and I have not posted like I have wanted to publish. Here are some things in a nutshell:

Bobo  went to the hospital to get his lungs scraped.
I was in the hospital.
Root had a party.
I have a cook-out to go to.

More to come. I promise.     

busy busy girl

Lots of things have happened!

I watched my niece's baby about a month ago. I had baby-proofed the house and the dog was put in his cage in a locked bedroom. I did everything right.

The baby manage to pull down an antique metal desk fan and cut his face. I sent my niece a picture and she said don't worry about it. It was just a scrape really, the top layer of skin peeled off. Facial wounds tend to bleed a lot and this one didn't even bleed a lot. It was maybe an inch long.

I got the baby on Wednesday. Saturday Bobo got sick and Root took him to the hospital since I had the baby. He had trouble breathing.

I took the baby back so I could go see Bobo at the hospital. The grandfather on the father's side picked up the baby and threw a hissy fit. He asked me if I didn't have common sense, was I stupid, on and on. This man was very ridiculous looking, with a huge Ron Goldman handlebar moustache. I just gave him all the baby stuff back and left. I didn't get smart with him. It was very telling that he wasn't worried about the baby, but did ask me if I had homeowner's insurance to cover it.

When I got home, I planned on going to see Bobo. But when I was turning in the driveway, I had to stop and barf. It went downhill from there. My visiting nurse came by Tuesday and my blood pressure was really low. She asked if I wanted to go to the hospital but I declined. I had the barfs and diarrhea by this time.

The next day I was sicker and falling when I tried to walk. I called my doctor and some dumb ass there told me to stop taking one of my medications and go to the emergency room the next day if I was still sick. Chickie came to take me to the hospital to see Bobo, and long story short, I ended up admitted to the hospital. I was near renal failure.

Bobo had his lungs scraped and got released on Friday. I got released on Saturday.

Root had a surprise party the next week and we went. It was at a restaurant and I had some killer blackened catfish.

Our pantry is full. We had gone to the store and spent our food stamps. Then I made my monthly pilgrimage to the food bank. I actually got edible food! Somehow I ended up with about 30 lbs. of sausage, not of it I chose. I have rolled sausage chubs, 20 lbs. bulk sausage and a tray of 2 dozen links.

I guess I need to start cooking sausage for every meal.

We get food stamps again in 2 days but I am not going to spend them. I don't have room for an more food. All I can think of to buy that I need is bread. I am going to clean out the pantry and take out the stuff we won't eat. I guess I can just take it back to the food bank!

Monday, June 10, 2013

coming soon: amish vamire porn

Again, I think tis market is vastly untouched. Some people like the Amish, some people like Vampires. BING BANG, peanut butter cup! I'm the Queen of the genre.

So look for a link to the tale of Micah,the little Amish boy very soon!

pain and no gain

 just realized I skipped my weight-loss group. my alarm never rang off. oh well! next week!


I just got busted by the leader.

To be honest, I  just don't think I have the patience to sit around with old ladies and discuss recipes for diet Jell-O.

I am officially out of pain pills.

I am officially in pain.

I have some crazy crème being formulated just for me, some kind of drug cream.

All I need is do is to learn to live with the pain.

PAIN was never my strong suit. Read 50 Shades of Grey and it didn't get me all hot and bothered.

So the idea of someone sticking a huge needle in my back to paralyze part of the nerves is freaking me out.

I think I am going to learn to live with the pain.

Thursday, June 6, 2013

Taxes and Nachos

Root is coming over tonight and I am making Nacho Spread while I finish their taxed. Nacho Spread is a casserole with layers of beans, seasoned ground beef, cheese, sour cream, green chilis, black olives, with Nacho Doritos.  It sounds gross but it's our family yum yum.

I have to rework part of their taxes. I was given improper information. So I am going to fix that, while I make my son cook. he can take the left-overs home to Chickie.

I'm moving stuff around in the house. I sit in front of the TV on my computer anyway, so I am moving my desk and chair into the space occupied now by an end table. I think I am going to have to move the chest in from the garage, just so I can store sheets and stuff like that. I can stash it in one of the closets.

I go to the pain management clinic Monday. I have heard some bad things about them, that they will give you enough pain medication to keep you knodding like a bobblehead, but there is no way I can take that much. Maybe that is why my friend who told me they were a good clinic enjoyed getting a shit-ton of medicine. Never know.

I am going to Target later and buying some cute stuff I don't need. I am on a mission today: discontinued bath products: pouffs, lotions, gels, sprays. My stock is getting low. Target is mecca for discounted bath crap/. TJ Maxx is right next door. If I can't find an acceptable collection of bath stuff between Target and TJ Maxx, I don't deserve to take a bath. 

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

spring flinging...

I have been busy doing those spring things...like planting tomatoes, peppers, squash and strawberries. Actually Root and Chickie came over to do it for me and I cooked steakburgers and made pasta salad. Chickie loved the pasta salad so I sent the rest home with her.

I also planted some white vinca and assorted colors of Indian paintbrush, alternating in color around the front flower bed. In the back, I have 6 tomato plants- including some pink and some pink-and-yellow striped tomatoes, a sweet cherry pepper- kinda like a mini-bell, and some heirloom peppers in a million different colors. I plan to harvest those seeds and re-sell them on ebay. I did that one year and made a small fortune doing it. I have 1 crookneck summer squash and a big strawberry plant that is going in the shady corner of the yard where I am planting wisteria in front of an old rusty iron trellis. I have grapevines to go in pots and set in front of the little trellis things in the front- the flowerbed is too shallow to hold the entire rootballs.

I plan on having an Astro-turf carpet that I am getting from a couple at church and also painting the ceiling blue.

I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I'm glad they called because I was gearing up for an 8:45 appointment time and its not until 10:00. More sleep, the thrift stores by there will be opened by then and I can get a big lunch at the sushi bar. Maybe some Mongolian Barbeque- beef and shrimp with onions and jalapenos. Yeah, tomorrow will be fun!

I am also getting a real haircut. I wondered why my hair looked so crappy. It hasn't been cut since August. I guess I will go get a haircut tomorrow.

I think I need a list!

Monday, May 20, 2013

too much information...

Imagine that when you are a little girl, you want something so badly, something you know will come someday soon. Everybody else has it, soon you will too!

Then you get it. And it sucks. It requires much cotton absorbent equipment and causes you much embarrassment. It has a purpose and it serves it's purpose.

But now it's gone. You can rejoice. Why, it's swimming, tennis and horseback riding EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR!

But Mother Nature has a nasty sense of humor. Just when you are enjoying your freedom, BOOM, she strikes you down. You have no absorbent cotton materials in the house and end up having to use a roll of gauze like the type you use to wrap your sprained ankle while you send out your husband for products from the aisle he avoids like the plague. And chocolate.

Then you drink all the liquor while he's gone. Even though Walgreen's is just a mile away.

But he says those words: IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME!

To find out how this story ends, watch the evening news and see how they remove his head from his rectum.

Monday, May 13, 2013

how to make iced coffee

How To Make Iced Coffee

1) Make coffee

2) Pour over ice

Thanks, Internet!

I have another pity party...and you are invited!

I haven't been to church in a while- didn't go yesterday! My son, his wife and the kids brought me flowers and pizza, so we all had a good time!

I haven't been to church lately because there is one person there who makes me sad when I look at her,

The pastor's wife.

When I met her a few years ago, I thought she was a really nice neat person I would like to get to know better. She was nice and funny and seemed really down to Earth.

When I joined the church, I looked forward to getting to know her better.

It didn't happen.

When I sent her a friend request on Facebook, she didn't approve it. After almost 2 years, I cancelled the request. Since I use a nickname on Facebook, I just figured she just didn't know who I was, even though she has liked some of the things I posted.

But I noticed that sometimes, when I see her coming my way, I'll smile at her but she turns her head and ignores me. She breezes right past me.

Often when my daughter-in-law was on Facebook, she would say, "Oh, did you see what Betty (not her real name) posted? Oh, that's right, you guys are friends on Facebook!" It made her happy to see that she had something I didn't. Chick and Betty were such friends they even went running together.

I just wonder what was said between Chickie and Betty. Did Chickie disclose private things I had entrusted to her? If she did, were they embellished? There is no telling what she thinks of me.

She leads the song part of worship and I have to see her if I go to church. She now seems a bit smug and I don't know if I would even want to get to know her better now knowing how she treated me.

I'm sure I'm nothing to her, just another face in the crowd. But there is a big difference in how she treats me and how she treats every other woman in the church.

What did I do to this bitch? Yes, I called the pastor's wife a bitch! I believe in calling things as I see them.

I suppose I should just put my big girl panties on and get over it. But sometimes getting over it isn't possible, you just have to plow right through the middle.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

I hate the Dell computer company! Dell SUX!


I'm sorry. Again!

I haven't updated in an entire month. The 7 people who read her will stop coming to see me if I don't start updating more.

I got a new Dell computer in October and IT SUCKS! The cursor has a mind of it's own and that is deterring me from updating. It just happened again! I had to go back and correct the line my cursor screwed up, then retype the line I was writing. Dell people, you owe me a freaking computer! I'll be sitting outside waiting for the UPS guy to bring it, okay?

The Mom dreams have evened out. I think everything will be okay there.

I haven't written any Amish vampire porn, but it's on my to-do list.

I purchased some grapevines, roses, crepe myrtles and a wisteria bush to plant, but the weather is not being cooperative. It's gone from 85 degrees last week to 42 degrees this week. I keep saying that I will plant my garden but then the temperature dips again. Right now they are flourishing in the Coleman cooler I stuck them in. The cooler is holding what heat there is in so the plants are thriving and it's easier to water them. ONE DAY they will end up in the ground!

This darn computer screwed up again. Dell, you people are going to HELL for making suck a sucky piece of crap I paid $600 for, such a waste of money.

Dell is going to HELL, I made a rhyming funny! Me so talented!

Seriously. The Dell people need to get a stick on and contact me to fix this piece of crap. Plus I never got info about my $15 upgrade to Windows 8. I am stuck with Windows 7. I hate wasting money and I hate being lied to. Dell made me waste money and I feel like a fool for spending my money on this piece of junk. Of course, it worked great for the first 30 days. Then the evil Dell-hell software kicked in and now it is a piece of utter crap. I would go back to my old laptop but I had it scrubbed and gave it to my granddaughter. Now it's full of puppy games and doll dress up games and utterly useless to anyone but a 10 year old girl. She even has a Justin Beiber wallpaper, for God's sake!

The people at my church are doing a Daniel fast, which means no meat, no sugar, no processed foods. Lots of grains and nuts, which are 2 things I can't digest. So I am forced to live in sin because I can't do the fast.

I haven't been to church lately, unless you call Facebook church, haha! I missed the entire series on "What Am I Here For Anyway?" but a friend gave me the book. I still haven't read it, so what does it matter? Now the pastor is doing a series on how to pray. I know how to pray. My version of Jesus is what I believe in. I don't treat him like he's a good ole boy who lives in the trailer next to me and gets good dope. I don't treat him like Santa Claus, asking for material things. I don't treat him like he's my personal hit man, set to exact revenge on people who dare to cross me. To me, Jesus is a cool dude who cares. What more could anyone ask for in a Savior? I pray often, but I guess I treat it like an on-going conversation. I don't get down on my knees. I don't have a special room dedicated to prayer. I hope this doesn't send me to Hell.

But if I did treat God like my personal hit man, Dell would be on the top of the list.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

white horse

I had a dream about my mother. it wasn't scary. I was glad to see her. I had picked her and my niece up to take them downtown. Then I realized she had my purse, so I went back downtown. I got my purse and took her and my niece home. Not quite sure why she didn't stay, but we had a nice chat in the car.

I was glad to see her. I woke up happy, but then I remembered she was dead. But the happiness wasn't gone. I know she loved me. Years ago, we agreed we would see each other in our dreams and we would be sure there was a white horse. In my dream, there was a white horse in a playground, one of those horses toddlers ride on a spring.

It was white.

Monday, April 1, 2013

the amish vampires

I have been checking out the searches people use to get to my blog. If you are looking for amish vampire porn, this is your place!

I have no idea why they end up here. One day I will write an amish vampire porn tale and make a few of you in the Midwest really really happy. so don't be surprised if I add an amish vampire porn page.

I went to my weight loss group. They gave me the "biggest loser" award for the weight I lost in the hospital. I got an "eat this, not that" supermarket guide, which should come in handy. it has good choices for everything you might buy at a grocery! so maybe I can lose some more pounds.

Did I mention that I got an I-phone 4, with a fuschia and white Otterbox case? Very girly. I have ordered a small stylus that goes in the plug on the top. I will be geek chic! I have downloaded a few free apps. I want to photograph my food on an instagram stream. I need to learn to do this next. Aren't you just chomping at the bit to examine my dinner?

I watched kind-hearted woman tonight and I might buy the entire series on dvd. It was very interesting to see how the Indian Tribal Courts work.

Blogger is forcing me to type in both upper and lowercase letters. I hate the man! Freaking establishment! I fiI don't use caps, it looks like this was typed by a drunken 5 year-old.

Great, now I'll get all the pedophiles looking for pictures of drunken 5 year-old.

not haunted

sometimes when we wish for things, we don't really know what we want.

when those wishes come true, we realize how wrong we were.

I haven't had any dreams about my mother lately. it still doesn't seem real. I was thinking today that I might get her a dvd copy of "hope springs" because she is was a big tommy lee jones and meryl streep fan. then I remembered, she's dead.

dead people bear no tales. dead people watch no movies.

I wish she would come back in my dreams. but I want her to tell me something, something important. like when I or my husband will die and how, winning lottery numbers, where bobo can get a job. something important. something that will change my life. I know that is selfish. I know she loved me but she wasn't always the best mother. I guess I have some bizarre wish that in death, she becomes the perfect mother and give me all the secrets from the other side.

I was never good enough for her standards, but she coddled my sister who never tried to do anything.

maybe now she can see how hard I have tried to lead a good productive life, instead of standing there with my hand out.

I hope she visits me again. I was wrong to wish that I stop dreaming about her.

Sunday, March 31, 2013

no always forever friends...

one of my husband's friends came by tonight. he is very depressed and I am worried about him. but I am ready for him to go home. how do I go about that nicely?

Saturday, March 30, 2013


I am in the mood to write tonight, so I will go into more detail on some of the things I have mentioned here.

I completed my project which resulted in a check with the statue of liberty on it. yeah!

did I ever tell you about my car? it's a black sedan, wide with plushy black velour seats. it has windows tinted so dark, I had to get a special sticker that attests to the fact I can see through it. I had an acquaintance who is a police officer who says it looks like a crack dealer's grandma's car that he borrowed and tricked out. he said If he saw me in the ghetto, I would get pulled over for sure. the grandkids call it "the limo."

I have been watching id channel too much. I trust n o   o n e. no one. ever. people just be killing each other all the time. it's sad. I need to turn it off. I might go with the food network as my default channel.

does anyone follow a certain former mommy blogger? with 5 kids? and $750,000 in debt she tried to have discharged in bankruptcy court, only to have it denied because one of her biggest blog fans sent a fucking huge ransom-note-looking series of examples of how the mean girls were trying to cut off her income? me neither.

did anyone else watch "19 kids and counting: duggars do asia"? was that not a pitiful excuse for a return on about $250K. what a waste. I would have been in sushi heaven. seriously.

I have a box of pink "manila-like" envelopes. I plan on getting black hanging files and a clear box to put them in. i'm getting organized.

kate gosselin on "wife swap" with Kendra Wilson tripped me out. was that not one weird show? when she picked up a raisin in Kendra's closet, it didn't show her throwing it away. I bet she ate it. can you imagine eating trail mix from the floor of a former playboy bunny? but I think she ate it.

blogger is pissing me off. they keep adding uppercase letters to my entries. once again the man is trying to force me to conform. it's making me look like I didn't pay attention in English. now if it were accounting, that's another story.

my accounting teacher went into the hospital to dry out from drinking. back then, there was no rehab. you checked in the hospital and they gave you many meds to keep you detached from the shakes and the body aches. so she was gone. we got a sub who really taught Spanish but would check our practice sets. by the way, someone stole a set of the practice sets during the time we lost our teacher and got a sub. so everybody copied. everybody passed with an a.

which is why I don't know crap about accounting.

when I was a teen-ager, we hung out at a park with a road that went around a pond. you had two choices: get there early and park along the side, or just cruise the road and stop to talk with whoever you saw. people would walk along your car as you slowly drove through the car. they closed the road off after a stoned girl hit a bus.

my birthday

yesterday was my birthday. I turned 48. I went to the county seat to file the homestead exemption- saved $1000 a year on property taxes! then I went to lunch with bobo at red lobster. I know, how cliché. but it was tasty and I had a $50 card leftover from Christmas. I originally bought it for a friend but then I ended up in the hospital and lalalala, I decided to use it on myself.

root and chickie were supposed to come over to eat cupcakes and ice cream last night, but I got stood up. she bought the kids over today and we ate the goodies then, but it wasn't the same. I am sick of having every holiday ruined by her. but she will be gone soon enough. i'm tired of getting screwed over by her.

speaking of screwing people over, my sister called. she wants to sue the doctor my mother was seeing, claiming criminal negligence homicide. I told her to go ahead and  do whatever she wanted to do. she wants me to go in on it with her. I told her okay, as long as it costs me nothing. she falls ass-backwards into money, I might as well join her.

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

do it amish style!

i am going to the amish settlement this week, maybe friday! i can get my amish on!

i'll have to seek out sugar-free goodies, but i know some of the houses carry them. It's so neat to go up on their porch and they have a push down window they do business though. it folds down and make a little counter and rests on the window sill. it's pretty neat.

to sleep: perchance, to dream...

i can't sleep. when i do sleep, i dream about my mother. nothing special, just slices of normal life the way they should have played out in real life. she never hits me like she did when i was a child. i guess it's better that we interact this way instead of in real life. but i seriously think i am being haunted.

my mother died under a full moon. i wonder if i should look up some pagan rituals and find some ceremony to perform. i wonder if our neighbors at the old house called down the corners like they did on each full moon.

my church prayed for us. i'm sure that helped.

but i need to take the haunt out of her.

my mother died. it sounds horrible, it feels horrible.

my mother died.

Saturday, March 9, 2013

a big whole

i couldn't write about this before, so i am doing it now. please forgive me, i just couldn't write about this until now.

my mother died monday february 25. she had fallen outside on saturday, i was called by my niece on sunday that she wasn't doing too well. i went to the hospital with root and chickie and saw her. i brought her a teddy bear. she told me she loved me and i told her i loved her. then monday i got the call from my niece that she was dead.

i missed the funeral because my sister is the biggest fuck up on the planet. she posted that the visitation would be tuesday night and graveside services would be wednesday morning. instead the funeral services were tuesday night and only internment was wednesday. she is such an idiot. i didn't go to visitation bcause i was watching the kids, but i could have made the services at 7:00 if i had been given the correct information. she cheated me again. somehow the teddy bear i took her was left out of the casket. they had all manner of crap in there, so i put the acrylic diamond i was given by a speaker at the women's retreat. they actually put a full house of playing cards. fucking white trash!

i miss my mom, but my sister kept her from me.she blocked my phone number. i couldn't call. mail was returned. how can you forgive someone for keeping you from your own mother? now she's dead and suzy can apologize all she wants, it doesn't make anything any better.

this entire thing bugs me. it brings back the car issues. i think they should give it back because it was bought under false pretenses, i found out they have been charging my niece to drive it. i'm going to ask for it back. of course, i will pay for it, but since they bought it under false pretenses, they need return it. once i can trust them again, maybe i can sell it back to them if they treat me like family.i might not, it makes me sound like a loon. but i get so angry about being lied to and then they rub my nose in it.

i know i can't trust her, but then chickie gives me the "jesus forgave you, so you should forgive her."

tough. i need my car.

but i really need my mother.

Monday, March 4, 2013

out and about

i got out of the hospital friday, feb. 22. i have been just lying around the house. i can't seem to gather the energy to do much. i need to get my sleep pattern back to normal hours. in the hospital, you don't get more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. someone wants to take your temperaure or blood pressure, or take actual blood samples, something to disrupt your sleep to the point you can't get back to sleep. so my first day out of the hospital, i slept too long because no one woke me up. i have continued this shameful pattern ever since then. i got up at 3:00 p.m. yesterday!

the house was not totally trashed, but it wasn't cleaned to my standards. it was cleaned to the standards i had when my son was a toddler and housework was at the bottom of my list of important things to do. i am a much better housekeeper now, but i guess bobo didn't notice that for the last 5 years i have been a clean freak. i have managed to get the public spaces- living room, kitchen, dining room- to the point i am not worried about unexpected company, but my personal bedroom looks like a hoarder's room. i am ashamed of it. i just don't have the energy to pick it up. i am trying to avoid making any new messes, as well as pick up even just a tiny bit of the clutter. one day, it will be clean again. hopefully.

the odd thing is that bobo does an incredible job on the bathroom. the fixtures shine, the porcelain is nice and bright white. he just tends to pile crap on top of crap. i tend to put things where they belong. there is a long bar counter in the kitchen and it was covered from one end to the other with mail and magazines. i put all that crap in a big basket. what is so hard about that?

my phone has had a mental breakdown and i need to buy a replacement. i am going to break down and buy an iphone. i already have the otterbox for it. i just need to go get it.

well, i just wanted to let you know i got out of the hospital and i am still alive.

Monday, January 21, 2013

you got a bonus entry

just found an entry i failed to publish. kind of shows you where my head was at before i got sick.

hello...is there anybody in here?

written dec. 18, 2012. famous last words!

i have been a bad blogger, but i had a good reason.

i hurt my foot really baglass. then it got infected.  somehow i walked threw the remnants of a blown light bulb. it was thin shards of glass that got jammed into my foot. i have really bad diabetic neuropathy and i never even felt it. so my skin grew over the glass. then it infected itself and i had to do minor surgery with a needle to get the shiny blades of torture. let's just say it was a mess.

i haven't been able to ....well, pretty much, uuuuuumm...walk. i walk like festus on gunsmoke. it is okay and healing, but i am in god awful pain.now.  i'm glad the last wednesday when the doctor tried to push pain pills on me, that i accepted them. of course, this means no driving. so i am at bobo's mercy.

i went to a friend's holiday ornament swap party. all the old ladies make their christmas finery, i just plop out a defrosted bag of shrimp with homemade cocktail sauce. easy recipe: 2 cps. ketchup, 1 T.horseradish, 1 T. garlic and a squirt of lemon.. adjust to taste. merry christmas, don't say i never gave you anything.

i got a groovy little ornament that was a baby in angel wings. i gave it to this woman who brought her sweet, little baby boy. he still had the new baby smell, the boy odor hadn't taken over yet. he was so sweet he made my ovaries do a little weak jig.

since i will be having surgery and really need to lose as much weight as possible in the next couple of months, i am going to try the original weight watchers diet. i have a 1973 book that encourges you to photo-xopy it for a friend.bad for you, weight watcher. good for me, good for me.

i also bought a tracy anderson dvd and book from amazon. it's not the set for $100 bucks or whatever it is on tv. it's called the 30-day method. i'll put my affiliate link over there in case you want to look at it. if you buy, i do make a teeny tinsy commmision.

i will be posting more, i promise. it has just been very painful and hard to concentrate on anything while i'm in pain. the pain is moderate now.

i will live. i guess.

sweet feets

i haven't been slacking, i have been in the hospital.

i was sick with what i thought was the flu the week before christmas but it was actually a diabetic complication. i was sick all over, my foot was infected and i was talking out of my head. when i went to the hospital christmas day, my blood sugar was 588. coma level.

i ended up losing a toe.

since then i have been taking antibiotics and vitamins, getting hopped up on good narcotics and eating some of the gross food. i could have gone home and have a nurse come out everyday to give me my medication, but it would cost $78 a day. as long as i stay in the hospital, it's free.

so i am here until feb. 10 or so.

i will try to post more but i'm really  tired today, and i have a skin graft tomorrow.

but i am still here.

the food is gross. in a cruel twist of fate, i can see the best hot wing joint from my window.