Tuesday, May 28, 2013

spring flinging...

I have been busy doing those spring things...like planting tomatoes, peppers, squash and strawberries. Actually Root and Chickie came over to do it for me and I cooked steakburgers and made pasta salad. Chickie loved the pasta salad so I sent the rest home with her.

I also planted some white vinca and assorted colors of Indian paintbrush, alternating in color around the front flower bed. In the back, I have 6 tomato plants- including some pink and some pink-and-yellow striped tomatoes, a sweet cherry pepper- kinda like a mini-bell, and some heirloom peppers in a million different colors. I plan to harvest those seeds and re-sell them on ebay. I did that one year and made a small fortune doing it. I have 1 crookneck summer squash and a big strawberry plant that is going in the shady corner of the yard where I am planting wisteria in front of an old rusty iron trellis. I have grapevines to go in pots and set in front of the little trellis things in the front- the flowerbed is too shallow to hold the entire rootballs.

I plan on having an Astro-turf carpet that I am getting from a couple at church and also painting the ceiling blue.

I have a doctor's appointment in the morning. I'm glad they called because I was gearing up for an 8:45 appointment time and its not until 10:00. More sleep, the thrift stores by there will be opened by then and I can get a big lunch at the sushi bar. Maybe some Mongolian Barbeque- beef and shrimp with onions and jalapenos. Yeah, tomorrow will be fun!

I am also getting a real haircut. I wondered why my hair looked so crappy. It hasn't been cut since August. I guess I will go get a haircut tomorrow.

I think I need a list!

Monday, May 20, 2013

too much information...

Imagine that when you are a little girl, you want something so badly, something you know will come someday soon. Everybody else has it, soon you will too!

Then you get it. And it sucks. It requires much cotton absorbent equipment and causes you much embarrassment. It has a purpose and it serves it's purpose.

But now it's gone. You can rejoice. Why, it's swimming, tennis and horseback riding EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR!

But Mother Nature has a nasty sense of humor. Just when you are enjoying your freedom, BOOM, she strikes you down. You have no absorbent cotton materials in the house and end up having to use a roll of gauze like the type you use to wrap your sprained ankle while you send out your husband for products from the aisle he avoids like the plague. And chocolate.

Then you drink all the liquor while he's gone. Even though Walgreen's is just a mile away.

But he says those words: IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME!

To find out how this story ends, watch the evening news and see how they remove his head from his rectum.

Monday, May 13, 2013

how to make iced coffee

How To Make Iced Coffee

1) Make coffee

2) Pour over ice

Thanks, Internet!

I have another pity party...and you are invited!

I haven't been to church in a while- didn't go yesterday! My son, his wife and the kids brought me flowers and pizza, so we all had a good time!

I haven't been to church lately because there is one person there who makes me sad when I look at her,

The pastor's wife.

When I met her a few years ago, I thought she was a really nice neat person I would like to get to know better. She was nice and funny and seemed really down to Earth.

When I joined the church, I looked forward to getting to know her better.

It didn't happen.

When I sent her a friend request on Facebook, she didn't approve it. After almost 2 years, I cancelled the request. Since I use a nickname on Facebook, I just figured she just didn't know who I was, even though she has liked some of the things I posted.

But I noticed that sometimes, when I see her coming my way, I'll smile at her but she turns her head and ignores me. She breezes right past me.

Often when my daughter-in-law was on Facebook, she would say, "Oh, did you see what Betty (not her real name) posted? Oh, that's right, you guys are friends on Facebook!" It made her happy to see that she had something I didn't. Chick and Betty were such friends they even went running together.

I just wonder what was said between Chickie and Betty. Did Chickie disclose private things I had entrusted to her? If she did, were they embellished? There is no telling what she thinks of me.

She leads the song part of worship and I have to see her if I go to church. She now seems a bit smug and I don't know if I would even want to get to know her better now knowing how she treated me.

I'm sure I'm nothing to her, just another face in the crowd. But there is a big difference in how she treats me and how she treats every other woman in the church.

What did I do to this bitch? Yes, I called the pastor's wife a bitch! I believe in calling things as I see them.

I suppose I should just put my big girl panties on and get over it. But sometimes getting over it isn't possible, you just have to plow right through the middle.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

I hate the Dell computer company! Dell SUX!


I'm sorry. Again!

I haven't updated in an entire month. The 7 people who read her will stop coming to see me if I don't start updating more.

I got a new Dell computer in October and IT SUCKS! The cursor has a mind of it's own and that is deterring me from updating. It just happened again! I had to go back and correct the line my cursor screwed up, then retype the line I was writing. Dell people, you owe me a freaking computer! I'll be sitting outside waiting for the UPS guy to bring it, okay?

The Mom dreams have evened out. I think everything will be okay there.

I haven't written any Amish vampire porn, but it's on my to-do list.

I purchased some grapevines, roses, crepe myrtles and a wisteria bush to plant, but the weather is not being cooperative. It's gone from 85 degrees last week to 42 degrees this week. I keep saying that I will plant my garden but then the temperature dips again. Right now they are flourishing in the Coleman cooler I stuck them in. The cooler is holding what heat there is in so the plants are thriving and it's easier to water them. ONE DAY they will end up in the ground!

This darn computer screwed up again. Dell, you people are going to HELL for making suck a sucky piece of crap I paid $600 for, such a waste of money.

Dell is going to HELL, I made a rhyming funny! Me so talented!

Seriously. The Dell people need to get a stick on and contact me to fix this piece of crap. Plus I never got info about my $15 upgrade to Windows 8. I am stuck with Windows 7. I hate wasting money and I hate being lied to. Dell made me waste money and I feel like a fool for spending my money on this piece of junk. Of course, it worked great for the first 30 days. Then the evil Dell-hell software kicked in and now it is a piece of utter crap. I would go back to my old laptop but I had it scrubbed and gave it to my granddaughter. Now it's full of puppy games and doll dress up games and utterly useless to anyone but a 10 year old girl. She even has a Justin Beiber wallpaper, for God's sake!

The people at my church are doing a Daniel fast, which means no meat, no sugar, no processed foods. Lots of grains and nuts, which are 2 things I can't digest. So I am forced to live in sin because I can't do the fast.

I haven't been to church lately, unless you call Facebook church, haha! I missed the entire series on "What Am I Here For Anyway?" but a friend gave me the book. I still haven't read it, so what does it matter? Now the pastor is doing a series on how to pray. I know how to pray. My version of Jesus is what I believe in. I don't treat him like he's a good ole boy who lives in the trailer next to me and gets good dope. I don't treat him like Santa Claus, asking for material things. I don't treat him like he's my personal hit man, set to exact revenge on people who dare to cross me. To me, Jesus is a cool dude who cares. What more could anyone ask for in a Savior? I pray often, but I guess I treat it like an on-going conversation. I don't get down on my knees. I don't have a special room dedicated to prayer. I hope this doesn't send me to Hell.

But if I did treat God like my personal hit man, Dell would be on the top of the list.