Tuesday, July 29, 2014

More Useful Crap- Narcissistic Tells

This describes someone I know to a T. You can apply this against her and it lines up like a ruler. She has done something lately that make me want to smack her in her rubber face. Do you know someone like this?
It’s not their fault. Not EVER. It’s always your fault. His fault. Her fault. To a narcissist, it’s not their fault they hurt you, it’s your fault for being hurt-able. If your feelings are hurt, it’s not their fault; it’s your fault – for having feelings. (You may be told that you’re “choosing” to feel bad about the hurtful things they’ve done, and that it’s the wrong “choice”.) If caught doing something insensitive or selfish, they will tell you they “had to” do it because of someone or something else. If you imply that anything is their responsibility, they give you excuses and lies, and often, if those fail to work, they will finally make it clear that the bottom line is they simply don’t care because they don’t have to, and the fact that you care is just unnecessary or wrong. From their perspective, you shouldn’t care — you should get it right like they do, and be more like they are. Uncaring.
Narcissists lie to make themselves look good. They lie to get out of emotional responsibility. They lie to manipulate. They lie to gain influence. They lie out of habit. Life is a game to narcissists – a game they have to think they’re winning – and truth is one casualty in their game plan. The only time a narcissist has any interest in telling the truth is when it will serve them or cost them nothing to do so. The rest of the time, they don’t consider it necessary or important to be all that honest. Honesty can impede their self-gratification and compromise their powerful persona, and they don’t like that. To narcissists the truth is frequently “flexible” and optional. There’s no such thing as an honest narcissist.
Narcissists have to make themselves feel bigger by convincing themselves others are smaller by comparison. They’re no strangers to being condescending, snobby, clique-ish, elitist and superior; however, they may be very good at hiding their disdain to prevent a loss of popularity, which narcissists know brings them power. Narcissists with money look down on the working class. Narcissists in the working class look down on those with more money. Educated narcissists dismiss the opinions of those who have no degree. Narcissists with no degree claim educated people don’t actually know anything. Whatever narcissists HAVE (or think they have) is what they use to look down on others WITH. No-one else’s background, appearance, values, political persuasion, school, preferences, religion, way of life, profession or opinions are ever any good or worthy of their respect unless they themselves value and/or possess the same. If you think or choose differently from a narcissist, you’re “wrong”, and they’re “right”.
Narcissists literally have two faces — their real face and their stage face. And neither is anything like the other. Which one you see will depend on how long you’ve known them. Narcissists can be very charming and know how to gain favor. Anyone who doesn’t know a narcissist well will tell you the narcissist is one of the greatest people they’ve ever met! They believe this is one of the most intelligent, kindest, most interesting, funny, agreeable, most attractive, talented or accomplished people ever. They may wish they themselves had it so “together” or were so popular. However, anyone who knows that same narcissist better (family members, longtime coworkers, etc) will tell you the narcissist is one of the most horribly frustrating and toxic people they know, and the mere mention of their name makes them feel uneasy, angry, frustrated or otherwise unhappy. Being the only one who is experiencing a narcissist’s real face, while all other family members or coworkers can still only see the narcissist’s stage face is a very lonely, painful and frustrating place to be. Thankfully, the number of people who can see through the facade tends to increase with time.
If you dare to question a narcissist or request things like healthy boundaries and honesty, you’re going to become public enemy number one. The “Mr. or Ms. Wonderful” mask immediately comes off, and there is no level they will not stoop to in order to “punish” you. They have myriad ways of attempting this; some are covert, and some are open and obvious. The narcissist has a seemingly inexhaustible obsession for making people who cross them “pay”. Once they set their sights on you, you’re a permanent enemy, and their seething spite will feel as intense years down the road as it did when it first began. The length of time they can keep up the full intensity of their hatred for you and their campaign to exact revenge is absolutely dumbfounding to non-narcissistic people.
Many mentally disordered individuals project frequently. Narcissists, however, are some of the most actively and severely projecting people encountered. Ever full of accusations and criticisms, the most crazy-making thing about most of the narcissist’s claims is that YOU are doing exactly what THEY are doing. (Projection.) Have they just lied to you? Well, you’re about to be called dishonest. Are they cheating you out of an opportunity? You’re going to get the finger pointed at you for being sneaky. And you can’t say a word to them about something hurtful they have done, because that makes you an abuser – of them. You can’t give them anything but glowing feedback without their raging at you, but you’ll be the one constantly criticized severely and then called freakishly oversensitive if you show any feelings about it. And if they say so, it’s law — you don’t know what you’re talking about.
Narcissists are allergic to healthy boundaries and fairness. If you question the insensitive things they do or put any limits whatsoever on their bad behavior, you will be targeted for social, professional, or personal obliteration. Whatever narcissists perceive to be your psychological or situational “weak spots” will be their prime targets. For instance, if the narcissist knows that your greatest fear is social ridicule, that will be the main focus of the smear campaign. If he or she knows that recently, you made a mistake for which you feel guilty, that will be used against you. Narcissists know that the more effectively they can pinpoint your insecurities or flaws, the more successful they will be in eroding your confidence and your influence. And if they manage to do that, they stand a good chance of getting back the power they planned to do whatever they pleased with before you “got in their way”.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Small Minds

I just finished reading the mean girl forum. Again. Despite all my promises to stay away.

In a non-Brokeback Mountain kind of way, I just can't quit it.

This little clique of bitches are convinced they are influencing all forms of media, like reporters are hanging on their every word.

Welcome to the grand illusion!

All they do is break people down and try to hurt happy people. I am ashamed I ever joined.

I was a mean girl.

I don't comment any more, I just laugh at their idiocy.

I am no better than them.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Summer Sucks

Since I posted last, I have been in the hospital again.

My sister screwed up us from totally getting the official paper we need to discuss the settlement concerning my mother's death.

Bobo didn't balance the checkbook in a timely manner and we have no money for anything. I will have to fill up the car with the emergency credit card.

Root and Chicky have been at it. Both have lied to me about their situation. Upshot- I can't talk to my son. I took all their numbers out of my cell.

Bobo has a job lined up, but we just found out it may be a month or two before it actually opens up.

I have the next 15 days down to a dime and Bobo wants to go eat lunch.

I confessed my need for cash to a friend who owes me money and all I got was a "life sucks, huh?"

I need to find a money tree growing in the backyard, blooming with $100 bills.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Another Me

I have another screen name I use as my email address for junk mail. It's an AOL name I've had since 1994.

I did a search today on this screen name- I saw someone on FB who had their identity used in nefarious ways. Guess what?

People using my AOL name- which is a nickname I've had since I was in second grade in 1972- include:

  • a lesbian on Pinterest who pins pics of naked women
  • a social reject who has profiles on every dating sight
  • a woman in Russia willing to be your bride for the right price
  • an astrologer
  • a very high-scoring World of Warcraft player
and a few other things.

I have no recourse here. It's not my real name anyway. It's just very pissifiying and maddening. No wonder several people- Hollywood celebrities, mind you- have blocked me on Twitter. People I have never had any interaction with, never met, never sent an email. I just admired their work. But I'm blocked because I used my nickname, which is very unusual.

I hate to do it but I will have to come up with a new nickname. I am so infuriated.

Monday, June 9, 2014

The Happiest Place on Earth

It's that time of year again. Everyone is gearing up for summer vacations: the long lost relatives, the beach, Disneyland.

But not me.

I don't care about going away. I have nothing to escape from. My son and his family want to go to Crater of Diamonds State Park. My grandson- 10 years old, by the way- has collected a box full of stuff to use while he digs for diamonds.

I don't want to go. I like staying at home. Maybe because I spent my first 3 years traveling around the country. Not in a cool hippie VW bus, but in an old raggedy pick-up truck with a camper on the truck bed We used to park at stores after they closed, to spend the night and use stolen electricity to cook dinner in the electric skillet. My mom was on her third husband. Family rumor has it, after they ditched me at my great-grandparent's house, they ran a scam where my mom would pick up a man in a bar and take him back to a hotel where my step-father would bust in and steal their wallets. i don't doubt it.

But anyway, I like staying home. I'd rather cook at home than spend a fortune on restaurant food. I'd rather sleep in my own bed with my other pillows instead of paying for a hotel room. I don't need souvenirs.

There's no place like home.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Stupid People Should Step Away From The Internet

Something stupid happened on FB today. I wouldn't mention it because it makes me sound vengeful and petty but it is a prime example of why stupid people should not be allowed to use the internet and should be restricted to using crayons and old newspaper to force their misconceptions on the world.

I belonged to a fan page for a cult classic TV show. This show featured a lot of cooking, but they were all fake recipes. All except one.

Someone in the group posted they were looking for some of these fake recipes. I Googled the only really recipe for something served on this show during it's 7+ year run. I found a book review for a book about the show and it happened to include a PDF of  this recipe. I've actually cooked it before and it's a good recipe, just a bit time consuming. I posted the link to this book, and thereby the recipe.

I came back 3 hours later and saw my link had been removed and there were 16 posts about how I was committing copyright fraud. Mind you, this is a book review that has been on the Internet for years! A few people tried to take my side but it didn't do any good. The admin felt I was cheating this actor out of book royalties. She even removed the Amazon link someone else posted for the book which didn't even have the recipe but offered the book at a substantial discount- like over 20%!

She put up a link to this book directly to the publisher for full cover price. Does anyone actually ever pay the cover price any more since Amazon permeated the online ordering market? She claimed she called the publisher and this was the only link the publisher approved of posting. I call bullshit!

She is a fucking idiot.

I wrote my little rant and she kind of apologized, but not really. Later I saw she had removed all traces of the exchanges. The original shit stirrer posted separately, explaining she demanded the link be removed out of respect for the actor. Fuck both of them!

People, if you want information, Google is your friend.

Here is the link: Emergency! TV Series: Marco's Chili Recipe

Now do you see why I feel so silly? I just hate being told I am wrong when I am in the right.

Needless to say, I took myself out of the group.

Sidelines Part 2

Niece 2 refused to be brought back home. So the round trip of 22 hours on the road was for nothing. The traveling oxy caravan only spent 8 hours with here.

I did some FB stalking and the trip was the result of Niece 2 sending texts pleading with the family to help her, that she was being abused and had bruises and black eyes, not to mention in fear for her life and the safety of her unborn child. She wanted money to find her own place. Not surprisingly, I found pictures taken while they were down there and she is perfectly fine.She very pregnant and wearing a tank top and shorts-  a very skimpy outfit which bares a lot of skin- and there are no bruises, no black eyes, just her smoking with a bunch of tats. Smoking- and she has asthma, as does her son.

My sister and Niece 1 refused to listen to her pleas for money and took off in a tear to Texas to rescue her. Only to find out she was lying. My sister's status was "Thank God my baby is safe!"  I would have mentioned the fact she emotionally manipulated them while trying to gain financially.

In what world is it okay to treat family like this AND condone it? Not mine!

I am better off by myself than being part of their dysfunction. I just hate it cost me $1K and all faith in Niece 2 to find this out. I guess it was a cheap lesson.