Friday, January 28, 2011

i need an extra thumb... i may need to start hitchhiking everywhere.

last summer we had some problems with the good car, forcing me to somehow through a series of miracles get our non-running car to run- after 2 years of sitting still. turned out to be a short in the radio, which i remedied with a screwdriver, a pair of pliers and a case of the pissed-off-angrys that would make the incredible hulk hide in fear.

we scraped together enough to get the good car out of the shop ($1,300 surprise + $400 money-saving maneuver) and then had another unrelated problem occur. we decided to  use the junk car and wait on fixing the other problem. we drove the beater all summer, not a single problem.

two weeks ago i got up and went to the post office-  i had to pay the fee to avoid having to get it rekeyed and causing a lot of problems and  expense. i did that and the car started knocking on the way home. i had to call bobo NINE times to wake him up. he diagnosed it as NO OIL (he's checked it several time at my urging- fine each  time ....his task no more!!!) and pushed it home. so the beater is fucked. i expect to scrap it soon.

luckily we have a second car.

a few days later, we were going to go grocery shopping. but it was too icy for our raggedy tires and we turned around to go home before we even hit the corner. bobo was pulling in our driveway and slid on a patch of ice. we hit the mailbox and busted the radiator. lots of steam!

i bought some $7 glue to try to fix the cracked radiator enough to get it to the shop but we found out our insurance company would pay for the tow.

so we called the insurance company and they towed it to the shop. our deductible is $250, so we were pleasantly surprised when they dropped the $125 town off our deductible (half!). It was only 4 miles and we met him at the driveway bottom. that's over $25 a mile. we were thankful for the break. plus the other problem seemed to have corrected itself (however, we did find grease in a few odd place in the interior!)

but yesterday we went grocery shipping. we spent a little bit more money than usual because it seemed like all the meat was on clearance and we got more to restock the freezer. after all, he gets more money monday and we can eat at home all week-end. so we are money poor but meat rich.

then it happened.

the mystery problem decided to reappear.

so the $125 discount is now going to have to go into solving the mystery problem. i've found some videos on utube and we can fix it. the part is like $100, which means that the labor bill will be high. which means we will have to do it ourselves, since our back-up car is now a hunk of junk! good thing i saved the ceceipt for the $7 glue

we have to figure out how to do this ourselves. looks like we will be spending the week-end watching utube and trying to match the parts and the video with the parts on the car.

oh course, bobo found a job he had planned on applying for today. so we also spent $20 for a good-luck hair cut. we had the kids this week-end and itchy drew a picture of bobo ad  titled it "bobo moe hock" and drew him a headful of wild hair. so it was time for much more than a trim. we did fin d the cheaper salon though, big as life in from of wal-mart. i've only been looking for it over 2 years!

of course, this is a dream job for bobo. when he first got laid off eons ago, he said he wished he could get a job like the one that is available now. here it is and everything is conspiring against him. little work, lots of money, great benefits. AND NO CAR!

i've mentioned some MAJOR money we are waiting on, relating to our old house we lost due to foreclosure. i have found the right person to deal with, but no one is answering me when i call. she is supposed to be getting out info together for the claim and she isn't calling me. i've been waiting since before christmas to get this done. i'm sure there's some reason i'm not getting a call back. they may have to wait until next fiscal quarter so that america doesn't realize this bank is quietly and quickly going bust.

when the money does come through, it should be a LARGE amount. but we need to get a house with the money. i have the perfect house for the right price, they may even go lower. but it will be gone by the time we can afford it. it always happens that way. before we got this place, i found the perfect house, but i couldn't get approved for financing. we  wanted to rent until our credit cleared up and use this money to buy it outright.but they chose not to do that. they ended up renting it to some of their family members with  6 kids. it's up for sale but i don't want it now. before, it had been newly refurbished. but after 2 years with 6 kids in it, i'm sure it's not quite as shiny and pristine. if i DID buy it, i would constantly look at it and say, "WHAT IF?" there was even a nice twig fence around the front yard. now it's just littered wuth twigs, not a trace of the fence.

i've been clearing out more, getting ready so i can move at the drop of a hat. i'm purging and packing. i'm giving some things away if i can think of the right person at that moment or else i am packing it in the "for sale" boxes i'm sure i will be dragging out at least once again before we move. we are planning a big $1 only yard sale the first pretty week-end. this group of woman have sales where it doesn't matter what it is, it's $1. if you don't need it, it's clutter. on the other hand, dollar bills are never clutter. if it's not worth $1, they just keep shopping until the tally hits $1. it eliminates the need for coin change entirely. they also have a great location, location, location.

i have a special purse i always use for yard sales. i keep quarters in one zipper part, nickles and dimes in another. then i have a space for $1 bills, and a special zip section for anything larger than $1 or to stash extra $1 bills. i've had it forever but it's perfect. i bought it for a vacation we went on years ago. it's useless for trips but perfect for yard sales. the strap is adjustable, so it can be a fanny pack (SUX!) all the way up to a longer cross body bag.

i could write all day but i am just delaying cleaning. so i better hop off for now, before cps comes and takes my hubby away and puts him in a foster home due to negligence.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

dismal, concluded to date

i went to the office, and saved myself the humiliation they caused me. i spoke with a counselor. i was really in, but the if there is a god, the stupid little bitches who left my name off the list are frying in hell like bacon as we speak. one of them got crabs bad after after she fucked the gypsy guy in 10th grade. she had to shave her pubes. another got pregnant in 10th grade and her mother made her keep the baby because she liked the food stamps. i guess i got off easy. all i lost were the things i never had. so i coudn't really miss them.

but i still look for a tiny lane cedar chest with a key at the thrift store. and i cry when i think about missig something that happened in 1980.

to make a long story short, they bought me some wilty flowers and announced over the pa that i was also in the honor student also.

i smoked my first jiont that week-end.

jadonna and helen, i owe you an ass-kicking. you tainted me somehow, as if my work is equal yet undeserving and can easily be over-looked. god knows what you've cost me in confidence and money due to this feeling.

yeah, unfortunately la donna taught tae kwan do or something bad-ass like that. helen transferred and ended up dropping out and working at "beef 'n' bird' before she faded away. 

but i could totally take bother their asses in a round of scrabbble.

they owe me a ceremony. oprah, if you're out there, please devote an hour of your show to recreating the induction ceremony i missed. my mother has the 'heimer's, so she won't remember it anyway. oh, and i would like a car as a graduation gift and a big house, just because. oh, and one of every one of your favorite things, then, now and ever. i need some favorite things. i never met my father. does that count? i may as well use it to my advantage, because i've been carrying it like a concrete block strapped to each shoulder for 45 years and i may as well get something for it.

it has made me feel i lost some part of who i could have been if it hadn't been for them?

can i sue them on judge judy? because she values education highly. she should make her go back to school, al a billy madison. she could give me $5K and i would buy a gucci bag and go to community college.

i also have a half-brother i have never met. maybe oprah and our unkno siblings can all get together for some spinach dip, vino and scrabble. i imagine it would be endurable. she can spring for wolfgang puck, or i can bring one of my oft-requested nacho spreads. or both. just give me a call, o. we'll come up with something. i guess bobo and steadman can watch football, since they ain't really in the bloodlines. we'll get that foxy guy to make a special cocktail, like with a sidecar of flaming whiskeys and cherrries.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011


i hate this time of year. it's so grey, sad and dismal. it always reminds me me of 9th grade, when i accidentally on-purposewas not included in the induction ceremony into THE NATIONAL HONOR SOCIETY!

i remember it was around my mom's birthday, which was yesterday. i remember it would make her so proud and i could give her the ribbon and tassel thing and the plain little cedar jewelry box they gave us from the furniture store. i would give her my mini little perfect jewelry box, with a picture of me in a frame to go with it.

we got ready for school the day of the ceremony. i dressed out, so i would look nice. i got a film roll and flash for the instamatic and took to school. but she was acting all cooooool, putting on her rubiglo lowder, because the egyptian look was big that year, thank god, her last look often got her mistaken for a drag queen dressed as ziggy stardust- she's red headed and 6 feet tall! size 11 platform stripper clogs, dude! so she's put on what is escentually bare minerals in only 1 color (duh, weren't there two colors?) and adding eyewings with a black kohl pencil. she made a lip slick with elizabeth 8 hour cream and some of the rubiglo powder. she mixed it up in a small light bulb cover and used the lid from the lemon juice. she'd swirl it to perfect creamy perfection. i do the same sometimes.

but anyway, everybody's cool. she even makes me walk to school, even though i know she isn't going to work anyway, since the ceremony was at 8:30, i  knew she'd probably go eat breakfast at the Fros-ti Root Beer, a waffle house with a giant foamy root beer mug.

i went to school. assembly, with robes and candles and a big ceremony was set up. i could see the room beyond the stage set up with streamers and a punchbowl. refreshments was a good sign.

i looked for her as i sat down. i didn't see her but i sat on an aisle seat so i could sit with her because it's supposed to a huge surprise honor. but everybody knows they are getting in, they have been adding those numbers religiously. i was smug in my 4.2 gpa.

but she never showed.

and they didn't call my name.

i didn't get in.

i wa sure it was a mistake. i ran to the bathroom near the stage and cried silently. wait, you had to get a recommentation which goes before a committee, which i know i had several shoe-in refereces, like the teacher where i got a 102 average, as i never missed a problem and always got the extra credit. i had the teacher i sold my raffle prize from shop-ed day. a dog house, really duded out. she apporached me after the drawaing and asked me if i had a dog. no, but i guess i could get one. no, she wanted to buy the dog house and she made me take her to my grandmother's shit shack house. she saw where i came from, yet i was smart and clean. i sold it for $35. i gave her a good deal.



Monday, January 24, 2011


we have a big disparity in sushi near memphis. you can either get sushi at the gas station in a foam tray kept lukewarm or maybe under a heat lamp, buffet sushi, or money sushi i can't afford. so i always end up at a buffet, as i must also accommodate the tastes of others. i do at least try to arrange it nicely on the plate.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

i want my bath salts!

if you haven't heard yet, people are using bath salts to get high. i'm not sure if you would snort it like a line of cocaine or use one of those hard cubes like crack, or inject the goo inside those colored beads. the mind boggles.

i've heard of some stupid things. but i've never once even considered using some skin so soft to get off. i scrub my hooves occasionally and i love using my brown sugar scrub. i got mine at a while back. i don't want to scrub my foot down to the bone, so it lasts a while.

the japanese say a good bath is a gift from the gods. i agree. i'm big on philosophy amazing grace. it reminds me of the cologne they put in the little purse sets when i was young. just float away.

god, i love a bath!

when bath salts are outlawwed, only outlaws will have bath salts.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

finding a purpose

i wish we had heat, it's so hard to to anything when every joint is stiff? i think i'm going to fill the small propane tank to take the chill off the house. it's not too bad, the temp instead hasn't gotten below fifty-four. add in the space heaters and quilts and layers of wam clothes.

i went to the doctor's office today. i have some funky sinus thing going on. i also got refills for everything but the diet pill. i have a few left of those. i am going to get serious and buckle down to lose weight. i  hope to lose at least another 30 so i can get some cute fat bitch clothes for summer. i'm think a lot of black capris. i also need to find an avon lady to get some SOS spray. we are putting up the gazebo this spring, so i will get to spend more time outside. i can't wait. maybe more vitamin d will help with my low energy levels.

i have a lot of organizing to do. i need to do some major culling. i have to try to decide if it's worth moving, i'm chunking a lot of stuff left and right. but eventually i shall see walls and floors.