Wednesday, January 26, 2011

dismal, concluded to date

i went to the office, and saved myself the humiliation they caused me. i spoke with a counselor. i was really in, but the if there is a god, the stupid little bitches who left my name off the list are frying in hell like bacon as we speak. one of them got crabs bad after after she fucked the gypsy guy in 10th grade. she had to shave her pubes. another got pregnant in 10th grade and her mother made her keep the baby because she liked the food stamps. i guess i got off easy. all i lost were the things i never had. so i coudn't really miss them.

but i still look for a tiny lane cedar chest with a key at the thrift store. and i cry when i think about missig something that happened in 1980.

to make a long story short, they bought me some wilty flowers and announced over the pa that i was also in the honor student also.

i smoked my first jiont that week-end.

jadonna and helen, i owe you an ass-kicking. you tainted me somehow, as if my work is equal yet undeserving and can easily be over-looked. god knows what you've cost me in confidence and money due to this feeling.

yeah, unfortunately la donna taught tae kwan do or something bad-ass like that. helen transferred and ended up dropping out and working at "beef 'n' bird' before she faded away. 

but i could totally take bother their asses in a round of scrabbble.

they owe me a ceremony. oprah, if you're out there, please devote an hour of your show to recreating the induction ceremony i missed. my mother has the 'heimer's, so she won't remember it anyway. oh, and i would like a car as a graduation gift and a big house, just because. oh, and one of every one of your favorite things, then, now and ever. i need some favorite things. i never met my father. does that count? i may as well use it to my advantage, because i've been carrying it like a concrete block strapped to each shoulder for 45 years and i may as well get something for it.

it has made me feel i lost some part of who i could have been if it hadn't been for them?

can i sue them on judge judy? because she values education highly. she should make her go back to school, al a billy madison. she could give me $5K and i would buy a gucci bag and go to community college.

i also have a half-brother i have never met. maybe oprah and our unkno siblings can all get together for some spinach dip, vino and scrabble. i imagine it would be endurable. she can spring for wolfgang puck, or i can bring one of my oft-requested nacho spreads. or both. just give me a call, o. we'll come up with something. i guess bobo and steadman can watch football, since they ain't really in the bloodlines. we'll get that foxy guy to make a special cocktail, like with a sidecar of flaming whiskeys and cherrries.

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