Imagine that when you are a little girl, you want something so badly, something you know will come someday soon. Everybody else has it, soon you will too!
Then you get it. And it sucks. It requires much cotton absorbent equipment and causes you much embarrassment. It has a purpose and it serves it's purpose.
But now it's gone. You can rejoice. Why, it's swimming, tennis and horseback riding EVERY DAY OF THE YEAR!
But Mother Nature has a nasty sense of humor. Just when you are enjoying your freedom, BOOM, she strikes you down. You have no absorbent cotton materials in the house and end up having to use a roll of gauze like the type you use to wrap your sprained ankle while you send out your husband for products from the aisle he avoids like the plague. And chocolate.
Then you drink all the liquor while he's gone. Even though Walgreen's is just a mile away.
But he says those words: IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME!
To find out how this story ends, watch the evening news and see how they remove his head from his rectum.