not haunted

sometimes when we wish for things, we don't really know what we want.

when those wishes come true, we realize how wrong we were.

I haven't had any dreams about my mother lately. it still doesn't seem real. I was thinking today that I might get her a dvd copy of "hope springs" because she is was a big tommy lee jones and meryl streep fan. then I remembered, she's dead.

dead people bear no tales. dead people watch no movies.

I wish she would come back in my dreams. but I want her to tell me something, something important. like when I or my husband will die and how, winning lottery numbers, where bobo can get a job. something important. something that will change my life. I know that is selfish. I know she loved me but she wasn't always the best mother. I guess I have some bizarre wish that in death, she becomes the perfect mother and give me all the secrets from the other side.

I was never good enough for her standards, but she coddled my sister who never tried to do anything.

maybe now she can see how hard I have tried to lead a good productive life, instead of standing there with my hand out.

I hope she visits me again. I was wrong to wish that I stop dreaming about her.