i have a secret burden i carry around with me:
i don't get along with my daughter-in-law (dil).
we got along fine until the wedding. then it seemed as if she no longer needed to be nice since she had already captured my son.
i did a lot of research on-line. believe it or not, i am not the only one with this problem!
the things i took away are simple:
when they got married, i didn't gain a daughter, i lost a son.
regardless of what she thinks, i'm not trying to control her new family. i simply want to be part of her family. what i see as being a good influence around her, she sees as me trying to usurp her control.
when i offer to do things for her, she interprets that as trying to control her home.i am only offering to make things easier for her, but she seeing it as me trying to take away the functions of her household.
there really is no need for us to argue. i will always do what i feel is right for my family, she will always do what she feels is right for her family. no compromise there.
there is no way of connecting families, and in her mind, no reason to. i invision a big family, she envisions a cozy love nest for she and my son.
to complicate matters, she has two children from a previous marriage who adore me. it's hard when they call and ask me to come over because they want to show me something or play with me. i tell her to ask them and she always says no. when i ask her if i can see the children, she always finds a reason that i need to stay away (such as going somewhere now, needing naps, will call back and never does- you get the gist!). she only manipulates things so that when i do see the kids, she will be sure i am distraught (usually in tears) and probably come off a bit crazy by the time i am allowed over and see the children.
you see, she is young and stupid. she will have arguments with me and just yell and bitch at me. she has even come into my home and yelled and screamed at me- trust me, that didn't happen twice!
when you hold a grudge someone, you are letting them live rent-free in your head. if you despise them as much as you do, why give them anything?
now i have learned to smile and look agreeable. maybe that's not the best way of doing things, but it will have to work for now.
now i don't offer to do things for her anymore. she doesn't ask. simple solution.
now i don't offer opinions, even when asked. she once told (i.e. YELLED AT) me about how poor they hade been when my son was out of work. maybe he was out of work, but he managed to buy you that $3K worth of diamonds on your finger. don't tell me about eating ramen noodles when i made dinner every night and invited you EVERY NIGHT) while you are gesturing with your hands so that the light sparkles off the diamond just enough to blind me.
CURRENT DRAMA: i was on a cellphone plan my son had (he was previously on MY plan and i didn't even make him pay his bill, i paid it -but when he wanted a new phone, my plan was expiring, so he picked the carrier and plan and phone) and she took over his contract. so now i am endebte to her. if i wanted to piss her off, i could give the phone to her and the bill would be on her ass.
once we argued for 2 hours over the cellphone bill. the end result? i owed her $.60 insted of the $79.00 she said i owed. but now i have my husband give my son the check so i stay out of it 100%!
so now i simply hang up on her, or hand the telephone to someone and walk off or tell the children good-bye and walk to my car and drive away. i try not to think about out her. i EVICT her from my mind so she doesn't live free rent-free in my head.
whenever possible, try to steer clear from marrying succubusses!