like a ton of bricks

i think the gravity of everything hit me today. i have been anxious and tense. i think i am getting sick again and i am going to the doctor monday to find out what is wrong.

i keep adding up numbers and coming up short. i really don't know how i will pay all my bills on time. i keep trying to convince myself that everything will be okay, but the numbers just keep rolling through my head like a ticker tape.

NOTHING WILL EVER BE OKAY AGAIN! YOU WILL BE HOMELESS AND LIVING IN THE GUTTER!

i need sleep. sleep is cheaper than getting blindingly drunk, so i guess that is my frugal tip for today.