Sunday, August 1, 2010

more babies....a chinese buffet....and i turn into kate gosselin

i hope this isn't a premonition of the future from the great beyond, but i had another baby dream.

this time it was abut 3 chinese newborn girls.

i was going to eat at a small chinese buffet and when i sat down, i realized that there were 3 newborn babies under the table. they were still covered in that waxy birth crap (too lazy to google it). i was debating about taking them home but i wanted to eat first. plus i was puzzled at how i could smuggle the out since there were 3 and they were covered in slippery goo.

i ended up putting them in my gigantic purse and carrying them up to the buffet to get some chinese food. i planned on eating first, then carrying all three out in my purse. no, i did not call my husband this time to go buy three carseats, even though i knew these were all girls. god knows, he would have bought me a big bag of huggies blue jean diapers and then we would let them pick out their own clothing.

but i decided while i was eating, that i had better all the police. and the news station. suddenly the tiny restaurant was swamped with people. the emt said the babies were fine but one had down's syndrome, the police congratulated me and gave me 3 UNISEX car seats, and the newscaster told me that they were giving me a reality show.

meanwhile i'm eating lo mein and some shrimp dish while all this is going on. i wouldn't make anybody realize i hadn't had the children. then i noticed a chinese teen-ager crying in the corner and bleeding on the floor. i figured out they were her babies.

one the hub-bub was over, i took my bag of babies and went over to her. she denied they were her babies and i gave her a wad of napkins to help with the bleeding. then she told me my buffet was free if i would take the babies and leave. she also gave me a styrofoam to-go dish of rice and pineapple to feed the babies.

my dream ended when i was strapping the naked chinese babies into their car seats in a car that wasn't mine. i called my husband to tell him and he said one word:


then i woke up, hungry for chinese food.

thank god i made that list the other day, so i will know what to get in case any of this ever happens, or i'm out squatting in the garden and a river of babies flows out.

i am never watching "i didn't know i was knocked up" again!

screw you, tlc!

but then again, i was going to get a reality show in my dream. it could have been fairly lucrative and i might have ended up on "dancing with the stars...and one fat biddy full of chinese food."

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