Thursday, July 29, 2010

oh, baby!

okay, so i have been waking up early, working on legal crap.

and going back to sleep.

but last night i had the weirdest dream. i dreamed my husband was at wal-mart and i had a baby (i think i have watched that tlc show i didn't now i was knocked up or whatever it's called WAY TOO MUCH!).

i was on the toilet and squatted down to catch the baby. i tied the cord off. then MY DOG came in and ate the rest of the cord and placenta (what can i say, he'll eat anything) so i put him in his cage. i diapered the baby in a bandana and wrapped it up in the dog's blanket with the paw print all over it.

i'm a bad dream mommy: i fed the baby diet coke with a straw and it went to sleep.

i called my husband at wal-mart and told him to bring home diapers and formula and a carseat. he asked me if it was a boy or girl- all calm like. i couldn't remember and i refused to look because it might wake up.

he said he needed to know if it was a boy or girl, because all the diapers were either for boys or girls. i told him to get some plain ones. then he got the store manager involved and told me he needed to know if it was a boy or girl so he could buy the correct car seat. i told him it didn't matter. then he asked what kind of clothes to buy. i told him to go to the police department, get a unisex plain car seat and we would take the baby to wal-mart and let it pick out it's own clothes. he said he couldn't do that because the police would want to know where the baby came from. i told him it came FROM MY VAGINAAAH!

i told him to just come home and we would borrow a car seat from the church, just buy some maxi pads to stick in the diaper. then i hung up and picked up the baby and waited for him to come home. the baby woke up and it had big blue eyes and a pretty smile.
i never found out what sex it was.

then i woke up and for some stupid reason, i got a pencil and paper and made a list of the basic things i would to take care of a baby. yep, i'm up at 4:00 a.m. making a list of things i need for my fake baby.

if you ever need to know, email me. i'll send it to you.

i still don't know if it was a boy or girl.

i told this dream to my husband. his answer:

"oh, i would just buy those huggies diapers that look like blue jeans."

leave it to a man!

but again, will my imaginary baby seat fit in my imaginary smart car?

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