Friday, July 23, 2010

history is repeating itself...oh,and shoes!

i wish my sister had never asked me to write the letter about my rotten childhood. i think i had lulled myself into a false sense of security in the years my family forgot about me. now i see the same old crap coming to the surface.

i don't normally let people into my clothing closet. the things in there belong to me. but since bobo was helping me with my mom and he's catching the alzheimer's too, i took my mom into my room to get her out of bobo's hair so he could finish watching a nascar race in private. she picked out a pair of my favorite shoes and had a fit over them. she kept going on and on, and tried them on. she told me that my sister NEVER buys her new shoes and she really wanted a pair like this so. so i ended up giving her a pair of my favorite shoes because i felt sorry for her. after all, she gets $1,400.00 in social security benefits that my sister DOESN'T spend on her. so there go my shoes i haven't worn that often because they made me feel special.

then my sister picks her up yesterday and the shoes go home with her. MY MOM GAVE THE SHOES TO MY SISTER! my sister says she really likes them, they are cute shoes to fun around in. um no, they are special shoes that match half of my clothes! so my good shoes are now my sister's clodhoppers. my mother complained they hurt her across the toes. funny, she never mentioned that when she was begging me to give them to her. i feel cheated, like she took them under false pretenses. i feel again like the 15 year-old girl who could never do anything to please her mother.

i want my shoes back. my sister is notorious for doing this crap to me. in high school, i had a very nice pair of evening shoes. i didn't wear them all the time, i wore them on special occasions. one day i'm at lunch and see my sister tottering across the smoke hole WEARING MY GOOD SHOES! she stole them and wore them at school. by the end of the day, the heels were worn down and ruined. the soles were scuffed and almost had a big hole in one. when i complained to my mom, she just laughed and said something to the effect that shoes are meant to be worn. okay, you wear shoes, but you don't have to wear them out. i ended up throwing them away because they weren't special anymore.

so now, thirty years ater, she's doing the same thing to me. i want my shoes back.

i think i learned my lesson this time. but i miss my shoes.

since my mother was gone, bobo and i planned to go out and eat. but the restaurant we were going to eat at is the weekly featured restaurant in the promo run by a local tv station. you order a $25 certificate and they send you two $25 certificates. we decided to order the certificates and go there to eat once we have the certificates, so it will be cheaper. we only ever go there on friday and saturday nights. they have a big seafood buffet with CRAB LEGS and steaks and lots of other good things. i can taste the crab legs now. hopefully we will get the certificates this week and i can eat CRAB LEGS next week!

i actually went out into the garage and surveyed the mess that is left. i did manage to move the trash can out there, but i was so worn out from the heat, nothing else got done. i plan on throwing a wad of trash out each time i get in or out of the car. if only i could build up this determination when the temperature is not 100 degrees, i might actually accomplish something.

there are a lot of items out there i can list on craigslist or ebay and make some money.

when will winter get here?


  1. I had a very close relative who used to give back the presents I gave her, saying she could not use them. Which is sort of the reverse, but also very upsetting. I am so sorry you are having to go through all this (still). I would write more about understanding but am kind of constrained for complicated reasons, but I wanted you to know that I do get it. Really.

    xx Lidian

  2. thanks, lidian! i tend to give away things i really want to keep, just to make the person happy. heck, if you don't want it, don't beg me for it and then give it to someone else. just ask me for it. depending on the person, i might give it to them if it will make them happy.

    one the good side, i explained this to my sister and she agreed to give me the shoes back. i guess her time in the "facility" did some good.

    i working on geing a cheerful giver!


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