Wednesday, June 2, 2010


i have a garage full of crap i want gone now! but then i go out to the garage and i am overwhelmed. my baby niece came over the other day and i gave her a trunkload of tuff forher to use when she moves out. she had a unique solution- just break it! without meaning to, she managed to drop the box marked "important- do not throw away- fragile" and while i haven't untaped it, i can hear broken glass in there. i know there was one thing in that box i wanted to keep. i had a plate with a panda on it that a friend gave me before she died. i have a feeling that it probably the one thing that got broken.

my friend died a year ago. i hadn't seen her for 5 months before she died. we used to live in the same town, but then we each moved 20 miles in the opposite direction. she would call me and we would talk. i would try to call her but she never kept her battery charged and never checked her voicemail.

she died of an overdose. i knew she had a pretty serious drug problem during the years we "lost" each other. but she assured me that was in the past. i never noticed anything. but then she got divorced and moved in with this gay guy who was her old "doctor shopper" friend.

she got her alimony settlement on a tuesday. her roommate dropped her off in her oldneighborhood that afternoon. she banked most of it and she had $2K on her. when he picked her up friday, she had less than $100 left. they ate a bucket of kfc and both went to bed. he woke later and checked on her. she was fully clothed, kneeling in the corner facing the wall. he thought she was praying but she didn't answer. he touched her and she fell over. she was dead and her eyes were closed. he said she looked peaceful. 911 was called but she was gone. the police found her purse with a few crumpled bills and the bottom of her purse filled with assorted narcotics.

her ex-husband still had life insurance on her. at first, it was ruled an suicide after the autopsy. he and her father disputed that and it was changed to "accidental drug interaction". so instead of zero, he got $350K. i was in his neighborhood not too long ago. the outside of the house was neater, but what broke my heart was a brand new mustang sitting in the yard. she had a 2003 mustang that he sold 4 days after she died. now there's a $50K car in her old parking spot under the portico.

every once in a while, i miss her. her number is still in my phone. but she'll never answer.

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