Tuesday, May 11, 2010

dear bret michaels...

many congratulations on your recovery from a recent bout of bleeding brain.

i would like to apologize to you for all the times i misspelled your name. please feel free to keep those letter t's and use them as needed. or rub your sweaty body on them at your concert and throw them to your fans. whatever, if you need a t, i got your back with all the extra t's.

i am very agreived to have to apologize again for my slips in judgement for referring to your bandana. but to my defense, dude, you are on the cover of people magazine, in a coma with a bleeding brain, every orifice filled with a medical instrument designed to keep track of all the elicate systems that are the human body. in a bandana. you handed me an easy one with that, bud.

i'm glad they were able to reprogram you via the keypad under your bandana. don't deny it, i know all about you and leif garrett and that freaky mind control experiement. they keep trying to get bonaduce to do it.. but danny is wise to then. but gretchen, your stereo-typical ex-wife, has been spotting "rockin' a "nana" under a cowboy hat a time or two.

i wanted to send you a nice plant or fruit basket, so i will send them here:
doesn't this look like a mouth-watering treat for a diabetic? p.s. i have diabetes too. sux huh?

this requires little care, so it will stay pretty when you are on the road!

rest and be good. take care. be sure sure to eat a lot of cushed ice, the hospital kind is good like crack, HAHA!

if you ever decide to have a fat, forty-ish, average looking housewife n your show, give me a call.

p.s. i'm glad you didn't wake up retarded.

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