lazy day...

i have been bumming around all day. it's cold. i am out of bed at least, but i put on a pair of shirts earlier before i know it was cold and i am freezing my behind off. it is do tempting to just crawl back in bed and stay all cozy under the covers.

i made a pot of spaghetti with meat sauce, cleaned the living room and cleaned about 1/2 of my bedroom. i think my domestic duties have been satisfied for today.

my money is still not here yet. i am waiting...it ended up not being released until tuesday, so i only had tuesday, wednesday and friday for it to posts and i was told it takes 5 or 6 postings before you see your money. and of course this week it was not done until tuesday, so i missed monday. and due to thursday, i missed a day there too. it should be here early next week.

i ended up going to the target black friday stuff in the middle of the pre-dawn hours. i got a set farberware of pots & pans for $40 and a kitchaid 12 pc. knife block for $25. because i went in the middle of the freaking night, i got a $10 gift card to use later. then i used my target debit card for another 5% off. i have been meaning to buy new pots & pans because i have been using the ones i had for almost 12 years. i "lost" my knives during the move and have been trying to cut everything with a steak knife. it didn't work. so i got a few things off the list of things i will purchase eventually and i saved come money. it was worth waking up at an indecent hour, i guess.

i haven't been out of the house since then. i had bobo go get some bar-be-que last night. i didn't feel like cooking. i think i was just burned out from thanksgiving. my son had a fried turkey someone did up for them and they made mac-n-cheese and green bean casserole. her mom made sweet potatoes and brought rolls. i made sausage dressing, lima beas, deviled eggs, mashed potatoes and two pies- apple and cherry. i also brought gravy, kool-aid and ice cream. chickie made sweet tea.i did some cooking, but didn't do the entire meal. i got stuffed and ending up sleeping from 3 p.m.- 10 p.m. on the couch and from midnight to 5 a.m. in bed. maybe i have outgrown my sleep disorder. i slept last night from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m. this morning.  i hope i can keep this up. it feels weird to be well-rested, almost like being drunk.

it looks like a pretty day ourside. i am going to put on some pants, a sweatshirt and my long flannel robe to go outside to sit in the sun. and socks, don't forget socks!

i want to go to sleep!

i did better last night  but still not good. i went to sleep at 2:00 in the afternoon and slept until 6:00. i got up and did laundry. i stayed awake- no couch napping! but then i watched snl while i was on the computer. then i watched a roseanne comedy show on logotv. then i had to watch an eisode of family on youtube since i have some gigs.

i should have stopped at the end of snl and gone to bed after taking my meds. but i stayed up so late i couldn't take my meds. i will try again today. i finally got to bed last night at 3 a.m. and went right to sleep. so tonight i am going to bed at 11:00 p.m. and take my meds. if i can do this for a week, i will be back on my good sleep cycle.

i think i may have gained a few lbs. but we are weighing monday for what is called a triple crown. if you don't gain any weight after thanksgiving, chrismas and new year's, you get a prize. so if i have a few lbs. gain this week, i have a few lbs. to play with. i just can't go overboard. i can do this and i will do this, holidays be damned. the good thing is that thanksgiving is going to be at my son's house, soi won't be tempted by left over food.

i am noticing that my dear dear daughter-in-law is trying to start a bunch of little fights with me. she always does around the holidays. but guess what- i have a secret weapon this year. my son is leaving her after the holidays. i'm not falling for her little crap this year. i bought her christmas gift she wanted- i bought it on ebay even though it is new so i could get her more of what she wanted. she knows i bought it on ebay, but she wanted the new scentsy pillar candle with the wraps. i got her a candle with 2 wraps for the price of the candle and one wrap. i am also saving tax and shipping. she can't sat a freaking word about it since it's what she wants and i asked her if she minded if a brand new item came from ebay. it was okay withher. she's just being a bit scrappy right now and i refuse to smile my way through a wall of tears during what will probably the last holiday i get to spend with her children- the ones i call my grandchildren. maybe i can keep in contact with them through her parents. they know she is nuts. her mother warned me about her before they married. but she was playing nice then. i wish i had heeded her mother's advice.

but soon she will be history.

i think she gets a controlling thrill by doing this. she knows you have to play nice when you are around other people. forget that this year. i will just smile with bright eyes, knowing she will be gone soon enough. yes, i know a smug heart is a sin. but this year i will just have to sin.

i didn't go to church today. i am having a bit of a moral dilemma. the sermons the last few weeks have been about tithing and how important it is to give 10% of your income before taxes. i have noticed a few changed. the pastor is now called "senior pastor", his wife lost her job in the secular owrld and she is the "music and worship pastor"- a title that must earn her a check. he got a wad of cash for his birthday to use for a vacation. he was given a brand new honda suv free by a member as a blessing. what happened to his truck he had? he didn't gift it to someone who needed it, he SOLD it! why not pass the blessings on? it's becoming more about money and things at that church. he did the "cafeteria christian" thing about tithing, picking and choosing the verses to reinforce his points. give, give, give. they are getting more fundie, like not allowing orange or black wrapped candy to be given out at the harvest festival- which is a lot more pagan than halloween! he spoke out against the twilight series, magic mike and fifty shades of grey. i'm not ready to go back into that lifestyle. god gave me a brain and i know how to use it. orange and black wrapped candies won't condemn the children to hell i'm sure the nursery allows them to use orange and black crayons. so when they get rid of the evil crayons, i will believe they are following a true conviction, not a fad.

besides, my husband is giving me a dvd of magic mike for christmas. he just doesn't know it yet, as i always shop for myself. and i already got this snazzy computer! i have some john deere oxfords coming soon, but they were needed anyway and i don't think they should count as a gift.

i wish my back pay would get  here before black friday, but if it doesn't i have a plan. i will shop target and get the specials that are household items i need- new pot & pans and a knife block. our pans are all burned and peeling, thereby i'm sure they will give us cancer. and i forgot the knives from our old house. they may be tucked away in a box in the garage, but if they are, i can't find them. i have been using a steak knife for all cutting purposes. not exactly cutting edge- haha!- culinary technology. i have a target debit card for an extra 5% off and i also have a 5% off RX reward card. so i will get the specials plus 10% off. AND target is giving away a $10 card to all those spending $50 on home items. so i am getting off cheap! any other gifts will come out of my dec. 15th check unless the back pay shows up in the next few days. i have bought the kids a nice gift each, so i will flesh that out with some gift cards.

haunting the house...

back to bad sleep patterns!

i fell asleep on the sofa at 8:30 tonight, woke at 11:30. haven't been back to sleep despite taking some of my legal stash of prescription meds guaranteed to knock me out...NOT!

i slept on the sofa from 8-12 last night, went to bed and went straight to sleep. i woke up at 4:30 a.m., stayed up until 12 noon, then slept until 2:30 in the afternoon- i fell asleep watching a sitcom with my fat head propped in my hand and think i crushed my wrist. went to the grocery store, ate, then crashed on sofa.

i've got to stop crashing on the sofa. bobo tries to wake me up, but it does no good. i will lie and tell him anything to get a little more sleep. he knows this but he somehow believes me. he ends up moving my glasses so i don't crush them with my massive head, covering me up and making sure my neck isn't so kinked up that i wake up paralyzed.

when will he learn? i will lie and say anything to sleep. then when i do wake up, i can't sleep.

i guess instead of crashing on the sofa tomorrow, i need to dose myself up, set the alarm for church and go to bed. to think, i hadn't missed a single episode of saturday night live EVER until last year. i put up with it through the cocaine years, the unfunny years and now that they are semi-funny again, i can't even stay awake until midnight. heck, i don't make even make to the monologue.

to be honest, i don't even make it to the news.

i feel very old.

my bandwidth resets sunday. i hate it when someone put baby in a corner, with no you tube!

at least i am not getting up and eating. that's a step in the right direction.

but i need sleep!

'tis the season week 1

i am getting together a give-a-way for the holidays.

i will be giving away a treasure chest of decadent things for yourself...good tea, bubble bath or shower gel, a great lotion to keep soft in the cold weather, a great smelling candle, some yummy godiva chocolate, starbucks you can make at home, a coupon for a free bottle of international coffee creamer, a $25 target gift card for something frivilous now and a $25 amazon gift card for something frivilous later.

tell me your favorite gift. did you give or receive it? did you pay for it or was it shoplifted? give me your story!

i will take entries for this until next sunday. then week 2 will start. i think week two will be coffee related, possibly involving the home brewing of said beverage, 1 cup at a time. we'll see. but this week, i'll cut it off at 11:59 p.m. next mon., nov. 18 and i'll pull the winner from those entries. at 12:01 a.m. tues nov. 19 will start week 2. you will enter for each week on the entry labeled "'TIS THE SEASON WEEK__".

this is not being sponsored by anyone, and is composed of things i found around my house. but i have some nice stuff stashed back. i mean, i could have used the gift cards but i want to give it to someone who reads here because you have listened to me gripe all year. that's worth something.

good luck...and have a warm winter.

i was being a mean girl...

after i wrote about the devious ways i stalked an ex-boyfriend on the internet, i was over washed with guilt over what i was doing. suddenly, fiona apple "criminal" started playing in my head, "i was careless with a delicate man...when a girl will break a boy just because she can" , came on in my head and i realized i was being as petty as he was at 17. i'm a lot older than that. take that back, i am more mature than that. i saw the truth once it was all written out. god, what i doing was was fucking nuts.

i will be deleting the facebook account very soon. like as soon as i finish this post.

really? who needs him? one day i shall figure that out. and i would like to

did i mention my weight is on the downward swing after i dieted really hard for like 4 months! i won $646 in the pool, sometime 1-2 years ago. then i stopped losing weight, on purpose. now i am happily seeing the numbers go down. pisser- i missed $1695 by only 1/4 lb.!

anyway, i am making a conscious decision about every bite that goes in my mouth. nothing gross or over processed. not organic, just that healthy balance of being good fresh food, just not necessarily organic.

i am making some art for my kitchen. it's a picture frame painted black with a green chalkboard in the middle. like as huge as i can find at the thrift store. i plan on putting it by the back door, and also running some cup hooks down the side furthest from the door to keep all our odd keys on.

insomnia...

it would seem i am one of the walking dead. it's the middle of the night and i am awake. i went to bed at 8:00 p.m. because i could barely keep my eyes open. then midnight, i'm wide awake. now it's after 3:00 a.m. in the morning and i've been watching the murder channel all night. people can be so mean to each other! actually heinous! i should know, i think i've seen every episode except the one i really wanted to see- the one about elizabeth turpin.

 

there are a lot of sex ads on for different lubes and other paraphenalia. who is it that believes the walking dead are making zombie whoopie so dang much? trust me, if you're up in the middle of the night, i doubt you're burning up the bed sheets the rest of the time.

i have decided i hate cricket broadband. since i have discovered youtube on my new computer, i burned up all my gigabytes. i will have to watch an episode of family only on tuesdays, when it used to come on in the '70s. hey, stupid cricket people, UNLIMITED means without limit!

i really need to get an adult cell phone and broadband card. this cricket crap isn't working. and i am jonesing without my craptastic '70s tv shows. a taste of honey is worse than none at all!

i should go to church tomorrow but it's a baptism service. i will be so tired in the morning i may skip. i hope i don't go to hell.

but i am an evil person. i am on facebook but i also have a fake facebook account, specifically for my first love from 9th grade. he sent me an invitation to the email i have had forever and i did some finagling to switch it to another email i made just for this purpose. i blocked him from my real account. you'd be surprised how many people will accept an invitation from someone they don't know, as well as how many requests i have received from people i don't know. a few well placed key words in the profile brought them in like moths to a flame. anyway, back to the boyfriend, he had a girl friend when i first looked, at least her page showed her engaged to him. then she stopped posting on his page and her page showed she was in a relationship. he never mentioned her. then when i signed up, he started sending me messages asked me to visit him, that he lost his one true love when he lost me, blah blah blah. he poured his filthy heart out. i never replied to his messages. ever. his page showed he was playing a lot of casino games and i got game requests from him. i sent him a few. i posted a comment on one of his crazy halloween posts and he deleted the entire thing. then suddenly, it showed he was engaged to his girlfriend. her page reflected this too. the funny part of all of it? he proposed to her at a golden corral buffet!

GOLDEN CORRAL, PEOPLE!

how fucking romantic is that?

at least he took me on real dates, to real expensive steak houses. not freaking all-you-can-eat buffets.

she gets my left-overs. which seems just as appealing as the piles of food at golden corral.

i feel vindicated. i made him feel as shitty as he made me feel oh-so-many years ago. so today i posted a message that i was single again, let the games begin! i hope his heart sank into the floor. i hope he feels a day late and a dollar short.

my evil mission is completed. i will probably delete the fake account this week.

the odd thing?

my fake profile has more friends than my real one! obviously my fake life is more exciting than my real one.

sad but true!

just shoot me

why, oh why, do we bother changing the clocks twice a year? it seems i just used to a time change and BOOM! we change it again! i have been unable to sleep since the time change. i am used to not changing the time on my watch until late on sunday evening, when i need the extra hour. but i need a new battery for my watch and i can't seem to find the right size. i have been dependent on my cell phone to tell time and as you know, those suckers change automatically. i totally missed getting my extra hour when i needed it. i have gotten only a few hours of sleep each night since then. i am out of sorts, with muscle aches and just plain cranky.

but i am up to the second season of family on youtube. it's one of those shows you remember watching but don't remember actual plot details. of course i HAD to watch the episode where leif garrett was trying to seduce kristy mcnichol. i have to avoid reading the comments until i have watched the episode because they are sometimes hilarious and can skew the way i view the episode. i even saw the one where tommy lee jones seduced meredith baxter-birney. totally missed that the first time i watched it in 1976. he was so cute. what happened to his skin? he looked baby soft then, now he looks like he tans in a microwave.

the highlight of my week-end was attending a birthday party for a dog. yes, my granddaughter's mini-pin. we celebrated at her other grandmother's house with the best hamburgers. i haven't had a good burger in a while and this one hit the spot: black angus 1/3 lb. patty cooked on a charcoal grill, toasted bun, strong red onion, all the fixings, with sour cream and onion potato chips.

i almost didn't go. i wasn't originally invited, but root and chicky got into an argument. i was supposed to bring my son back to my house to spend the night, but somehow i got invited to the dogs party and took him out there. he ended up going back home with chickie and the grandkids. he says he wants to leave but he doesn't. he doesn't want to hurt the kids.

months ago, he took a sperm test. originally they said he had good sperm with great motillity. nope! upon further analysis, his sperm are swimming in circle, chasing their own tails. i guess that's why he never knocked anyone up during high school!

i am finally broke totally down...

something has crossed somehow during the full moon. i have to send proof to the insurance company about social security and i can't get it out of them. they keep telling me to wait for my award letter and i don't have a award letter yet. a letter has not even been written yet.

the other stuff the insurance company wants they already have a jillion copies of. i, on the other, have no copies of anything since the move.

i am supposed to get a check at the end of november. november! yes, 26 days from now, encompassing thanksgiving, and i still owe october's powerbill.

if they don't get the documentation, i don't get my check on the 15th. i can't get the documentation i need. i don't have any money. i have $54K floating around the universe somewhere, no one can tell me where or when i will get it.

 i have a $20 bill in my pocket and a few quarters in my piggybank.

i wish i didn't know the money was coming. it's killing me.

i am broke.