My mind is empty. I am tired. I spent a month in the hospital. I got sent home with a boot for my foot and an actual fucking IV line jammed up my arm. Bobo is helping with the infusions. Hopefully, I won't die this time.
Strange phone calls again. Can't stop them. I think I am changing the number. I don't need whatever brand of crap someone is trying to sell me. One guess who I think it is...
...love, life and buttercream...
Thursday, October 13, 2016
Monday, May 23, 2016
old lady food and a funeral
i went to the funeral. i met my husband's lesbian cousin with the shaved head who kept playing with her crotch as if she was packing heat. i had to go to the bathroom and laugh silently into a wadded up bath towel.
when someone dies, people bring food. since i knew this was going to be an old lady funeral, i decided to eat there, where it would be delicious and free, versus the chinese place. so we saved $20! i ate:
when someone dies, people bring food. since i knew this was going to be an old lady funeral, i decided to eat there, where it would be delicious and free, versus the chinese place. so we saved $20! i ate:
- 2 thin slices brown sugar ham
- 1 T. coleslaw
- 1 T. potato salad
- 1 T. bbq beans
- 1 t. bbq meat drizzled with a bit of sauce- i just wanted a bite!
- 1 pig-in-a-blanket, full size roll with whole hotdog inside
- 2 weird weird sushi-ish looking things that turned out to be green olives with pimentos on a piece of ham, with cream cheese smeared all over the ham, then rolled out and cut into individual olives. it looked like eyeballs. i think it may have a been a halloween recipe someone saw somewhere and thought it might be cute. it looked like an eyeball with puss around it with the pink open tissue tipped from inside an eye socket. i ate two, because i think they should be eaten in pairs. i think it was probably a recipe from the early '60s. cuz eating eyeballs? no thank you! 2 were enough! eyeball sushi is not something i anticipate craving.
there was also a ding-dong cake, which i refused. i don't eat desserts with naughty names made by uber christian ladies so they can say "ding-dong" over and over. i refuse to eat "better than sex chocolate cake" and i don't want to "drink a sex on the beach" or have a "screaming orgasm" either. i'd rather do those without liquor. the original is always better than a co[y. i don't eat things that sound like you should get carnal with it. just a rule.
i also had 2 crackers wrapped in bacon and baked. they were to die for, but the recipe sounds like something you might make if you were really stoned and got bad muchines and there was no other food in the house. those old ladies might be chiefing. maybe it's good for their bursitis.
i also met the floozy sister who is an rn and goes to vegas twice a year, but dresses like she's in vegas all year long. she had on some orange knit pants with the seam up the front and a wild polyester blouse with orange around the neckline. then she had on at least a medium-sized box of jewelry, with at least a ring or two on every finger. just dripping with the bling. sister had her hair dyed deep red and wearing it in cascading waves down her back. she was 63. her skin was the color of old wax candles and she had on a ton of make-up, but underneath all the make-up, she was spotted! so many liver spots it looked like an animal print! time for the porciellana fade cream. she talked about vegas constantly. she also said "ding dong cake" quite a number of times.
his aunt was cremated and her urn was buried under the headstone. she had planned her own service down on paper before she passed. people got up and told stories about her. i didn't.
we took the correct route home this time and shaved 20 minutes and 32 miles short off the best time.
there was no reading of the will, but i overheard the attorney tell the executor of the estate that everything would go out in the mail in the morning. hummm, i wonder...
we haven't heard from joe's friend in almost 2 months. he must be having a hell of a relapse. take it from elmo, drugs are bad. is that message not everywhere? where's the nose sniffing up the color tv when you need it?
Why won't she leave me alone?
I started getting weird phone calls again, with the phone numbers blocked. They leave messages where you hear nothing except a blaring TV, usually a certain court show, whose timing tells me they are calling from the immediate area.
Except the last two calls. Where I have heard my sister's husband in the background calling her by name. You can hear the phone speaker being covered up and a loud SHUSH. Then a hang-up. Wonder who it might be???
She needs to leave me alone. I'm changing my number very soon.
A friend told me that they bought a house. A cheap house and that she wrote a poignant note to our mother about it being her dream house. GAG ME! Yes, the mother she watched get sicker and sicker until my mother passed out and my sister had to get the ambulance to take her to the hospital, where my mother died 3 days later. The same mother whose funeral she lied about and kept me from attending. Yes, the mother she loved to death.
I hope no one ever loves me THAT MUCH!
I would live the rest of my life happy if I never heard from her again.
Saturday, April 9, 2016
Vacation- All I Ever Wanted
I have come to the conclusion that I need a vacation.
I haven't been on one since 1991.
Yeah. 25 years since I have had any R&R outside of my home.
I have some money coming from an injury settlement and after I pay some bills and get some car repairs done, I will be going somewhere- not sure where yet- to relax.
I don't do amusement parks. I even hated them as a child.
Las Vegas is out. If I want to throw my money away, Tunica is an hour away.
New Orleans once intrigued me but not so much since Katrina.
I'm thinking Denver, the "mile high" city. Of course, once I go there, I may not want to come back.
I don't want to go out of the country. Too much bad stuff is going on outside our borders.
I don't really know where I want to go, but I know I just want to get away. Somewhere.Anywhere but here. Alone, Just for a little while.
And I'm not taking Facebook with me!
Friday, April 8, 2016
More Updates on Baby Mama Drama
My sister stopped calling. Finally.
The boy unfriended me. I blocked him.The girl wished me happy birthday.
So I am at peace now.
I wonder what it was I supposedly said. Probably something that was the truth. She didn't have anything specific to say,so it had to be something that was the truth,a truth that was hard for her to handle. I guess I was supposed to sugarcoat everything and make it seem as if she just gave the children up out of the goodness of her heart She had already told me if I was ever in a position to be in contact with them, to tell them the truth. So I did. I had to explain why she kept her first and last children and gave away her 2 in the middle.
Of course, her story changed about the boy changed: first, it was an affair, a mistake she corrected when she gave him up for adoption, then she changed it to a gang rape, but if it was a gang rape like she claimed and she was in the hospital, why did they do nothing to ward off unwanted pregnancy,and how could she be sure of the father if there were 6 in the mix?The final version was that she, her husband and the baby's daddy smoked a joint that was laced with something. Then her husband took her daughter off for the night and the baby daddy raped her. Then miraculously her husband returned with her daughter and found her, bloodied and raped and took her to the hospital. She claimed she blacked out. There again, it doesn't add up. She and her husband did drugs in front of her daughter, she entrusted her husband to drive under the influence of drugs with her daughter and she was living with our grandmother at the time. How did our grandmother hear nothing? How could she have put our grandmother in harm's way? If he was so whacked out of it, he would have raped our grandmother too. Again, why did the hospital do nothing?
Big question: why would her rapist willingly sign adoption papers?
Simple answer: she is a big fat lying liar who lies a lot.
Each scenario took the blame off her a little bit more, or so she thought, But the last one put more blame on her shoulders and made her a poorer parent than she ever was before.
She also did something I never thought about before she laid all this garbage on me. She walked up on my son urinating when he was 12 and already developed. Instead,she yelled out, "Damn, he's hung like a horse!" She told that to anyone who listened. If someone had made a comment like that about one of her daughter's breasts, she would be ready to put them behind bars. But no one did. This alone is a good reason for me to never have anything to do with her again. She has shown traits if a pedophiliac fascination. She sexualized a minor.
Also, you must remember I never met my father. After my mother died, I did some checking up on her stories about my father. She got caught having an affair with a man of color by my father and he got shot in the process. He wasn't shot in a grocery store robbery like I was always told. My mother told such a tale that he was put on a 3-day psychiatric hold while she moved out and got a peace bond put on him. He never beat her. He wasn't a schizophrenic. The judge ordered them to share custody and she took me and left. He didn't threaten to rape and kill me as she claimed. She didn't keep her car in her uncle's name or do the tricky name changes to protect me. She did it to avoid going to jail for abduction of a child and contempt of court. I found this out thanks to a Birmingham,AL police officer (who shall remain nameless) who was willing to spend time digging through files in the morgue in order to give me closure. So we see where my sister learned her propensity for telling tall tales.
The fact the HO seems to know so much about the father I never even met tells me that I was the topic of many conversations. My mother had her sad story practiced down to an art, much like my sister paints herself the victim. My mother may be dead and gone but her legacy lives on.
However, it stops with me.
Alone isn't so bad.
The boy unfriended me. I blocked him.The girl wished me happy birthday.
So I am at peace now.
I wonder what it was I supposedly said. Probably something that was the truth. She didn't have anything specific to say,so it had to be something that was the truth,a truth that was hard for her to handle. I guess I was supposed to sugarcoat everything and make it seem as if she just gave the children up out of the goodness of her heart She had already told me if I was ever in a position to be in contact with them, to tell them the truth. So I did. I had to explain why she kept her first and last children and gave away her 2 in the middle.
Of course, her story changed about the boy changed: first, it was an affair, a mistake she corrected when she gave him up for adoption, then she changed it to a gang rape, but if it was a gang rape like she claimed and she was in the hospital, why did they do nothing to ward off unwanted pregnancy,and how could she be sure of the father if there were 6 in the mix?The final version was that she, her husband and the baby's daddy smoked a joint that was laced with something. Then her husband took her daughter off for the night and the baby daddy raped her. Then miraculously her husband returned with her daughter and found her, bloodied and raped and took her to the hospital. She claimed she blacked out. There again, it doesn't add up. She and her husband did drugs in front of her daughter, she entrusted her husband to drive under the influence of drugs with her daughter and she was living with our grandmother at the time. How did our grandmother hear nothing? How could she have put our grandmother in harm's way? If he was so whacked out of it, he would have raped our grandmother too. Again, why did the hospital do nothing?
Big question: why would her rapist willingly sign adoption papers?
Simple answer: she is a big fat lying liar who lies a lot.
Each scenario took the blame off her a little bit more, or so she thought, But the last one put more blame on her shoulders and made her a poorer parent than she ever was before.
She also did something I never thought about before she laid all this garbage on me. She walked up on my son urinating when he was 12 and already developed. Instead,she yelled out, "Damn, he's hung like a horse!" She told that to anyone who listened. If someone had made a comment like that about one of her daughter's breasts, she would be ready to put them behind bars. But no one did. This alone is a good reason for me to never have anything to do with her again. She has shown traits if a pedophiliac fascination. She sexualized a minor.
Also, you must remember I never met my father. After my mother died, I did some checking up on her stories about my father. She got caught having an affair with a man of color by my father and he got shot in the process. He wasn't shot in a grocery store robbery like I was always told. My mother told such a tale that he was put on a 3-day psychiatric hold while she moved out and got a peace bond put on him. He never beat her. He wasn't a schizophrenic. The judge ordered them to share custody and she took me and left. He didn't threaten to rape and kill me as she claimed. She didn't keep her car in her uncle's name or do the tricky name changes to protect me. She did it to avoid going to jail for abduction of a child and contempt of court. I found this out thanks to a Birmingham,AL police officer (who shall remain nameless) who was willing to spend time digging through files in the morgue in order to give me closure. So we see where my sister learned her propensity for telling tall tales.
The fact the HO seems to know so much about the father I never even met tells me that I was the topic of many conversations. My mother had her sad story practiced down to an art, much like my sister paints herself the victim. My mother may be dead and gone but her legacy lives on.
However, it stops with me.
Alone isn't so bad.
Rules on Being a Lady
"Rules of behavior for Young Ladies, partly extracted from this work and the most celebrated books on Ladies education."
- Avoid everything masculine.
- Be not seen too often in public.
- Consult only your own relations.
- Don't even hear a double entendre.
- Endeavor to write and speak grammatically.
- Fondness for finery shows bad taste, as neatness and simplicity imply good taste.
- Form no friendship with men.
- Give your hand, when necessary, modestly.
- If you talk in society, talk only about those things which you understand.
- Know that a man of good sense will never marry but the pious, industrious and frugal.
- Let not love begin on your part.
- Make no great intimacies with anybody.
- Never be afraid of blushing.
- Pride yourself in modesty.
- Read no novels, but let your study be History, Geography, Biography and other instructive books.
- Sympathise with the unfortunate
- Trust no female acquaintance, i.e. make no confidant of any one.
- You cannot be too circumspect in matters of love and marriage; and remember that whereas the character of a young lady is considered angelic, any blemish in it would withdraw the respect men have for you.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Update
I haven't talked to my sister.
It started 30 years ago. My married yet separated sister got pregnant by someone other than her husband. A co-worker was infertile and had just aged out of being able to adopt.I hooked them up together and they worked everything out via an attorney. My sister soaked them for every dime she could squeeze out- rent, utilities, cable, phone, groceries, maternity clothes (several times). She continued to smoke although she promised she would stop. The sad thing is even though my sister got everything paid by this couple, she also got money from my parents for 1/2 of everything, so she made out like a bandit. After the baby was born, they even took care of her for 3 months.
I was the one who took him from the hospital to the attorney's office and handed him over to the adoptive couple. I cried the entire way.
I eventually quit this job because it became too much to see his picture on her desk and see him when the father would swing by with him.
Then it happened again, when my sister was no longer married but couldn't keep the baby because the baby daddy refused to marry her. So I called up the same woman and they had the same arrangement. Again she soaked them for every dime she could. This time, she gave birth in the state they lived in, so I never saw the baby girl because they could pick her up at the hospital themselves.
30 years later, I get a message from the girl on facebook. She doesn't want to meet my sister but she has some questions. So for the next 2 years, we chat. I tell her the basics, nothing too bad, just about her two sisters, how special it is that she and her brother are actually related by blood and not just adoption. I offered to facilitate a meeting between her and my sister but she was resistant. She said she didn't want to meet the bitch who had abandoned her. Ahe wasn't even ready to meet me.
This past New Year's Eve, the boy sent me a friend request. We chatted for 6 hours. I told him what I knew about his father. I even used my Google-foo and looked up the man's address and phone number. It was a pleasant conversation
Then he sent my sister a friend request. She called me and acted really haughty, thinking it was an old boyfriend of mine with a similar last name. I told her to call me when she was alone. She said she was with her husband and she could say anything to him.I told her it was the son she gave away. She began to sob. Then she demanded I block him and his sister, and asked me how to block them, she wanted nothing to do with either of them. I calmed her down and explained it would be better if she blocked them, not me.
30 minutes later, I got a loud frantic call from her. The mother of her son's baby had sent her a message that I was trying to keep them apart and had been saying horrible things about her. She called me a psychotic bitch and every name in the book. She hung up on me. A few days later one of her daughters posted the crap you saw in the previous post on FB.She never knew about her brother or sister being adopted out because my sister told her they had died at birth.
I had all my family members calling me to see if I was okay. All my friends were asking what was going on. About 50 people reported it for harassment. FB took their sweet time taking down the post. Everyone involved got put in FB jail. I used this time to block everyone except the boy and girl.
My sister called a few times. I didn't answer and the messages she left weren't really messages, just a loud blaring TV. She has stopped calling. My birthday is tomorrow. I don't expect she will call.
The person I am most disappointed in is the adopted daughter. I haven't heard a peep out of her .2 years and we never met. She and her brother both ran to meet my sister after the FB thing happened. But I have to remember I have no real place in all this. Maybe my only purpose for being on the Earth was to deal with this situation. But my part is done.
The drama is over.
And I won't have to share my birthday cake!
Sunday, February 7, 2016
Baby Mama Facebook Drama
GIRL1 So there is this guy and gal who are family that I just found.. I'm not mentioning names for privacy reasons... I've been trying to find them since I found out about them... But now I'm nervous to talk to or even meet cause I honestly don't know what to say... I have a very conniving aunt who I guess never wanted any of us to meet and has done nothing but lie and say horrible things. She has made herself out to be a saint whilst making everyone else feel inferior or look like the devil.
But the devil wears sheep's clothing, you have seriously crossed the line for this! You are a sick and twisted person! How could you do this to me and of all people? You knew how bad we wanted to know them! How bad we wanted to find them! I can never forgive you for this, the time that has been lost... You know how sick I am, you know I'm dying and this is how you treat your niece.... Really?!? I have maybe 4 more years if I'm lucky. So that's all the time I have to try to get to know them! How could you!? I can't believe you sunk this low... I know a lot of the bad things you've done, but this tops the cake! if you were tagged in this it's because all of you should know what she did! The real I'm done with you I hope you're happy with the misery you have bestowed upon so many for years. May God have mercy on your soul! Goodbye...
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