Monday, May 14, 2012

the day everyone hates me

mother's day was enacted in 1908 to be sure that all mothers got recognition for all they do the other 364 days. cards and flowers are the norm. boxes of candy and fancy brunches are also big here in the south. a great time is had by all. except me. my son unfriended me on facebook. he blames me for not having a great childhood. he blames me for abandoning him when he was 12. i had to leave my husband or i would go crazy and kill both of us! we had gone through a devastating house fire in which i lost everything i owned. well, i may have ended up with a shoebox of charred stuff. but i asked him to go with me. i gave him the choice. he chose to stay with his father. now due to his choice, i'm a bad mother. it was six months. i lived alone, stayed home 99% of time and just stayed by myself. i just needed to get away from my husband. i came home and life continued as if i had only been gone a few days. then my son had me thrown in jail on bogus domestic violence. what mother hasn't thrown up her arms in despair and said "whatever!", only he was right behind me and the second knuckle of one finger grazed his lip. one drop of blood. i was on probation for a year. i went to parenting classes with horrible people, including a woman who allowed someone to fuck her 4 month-old daughter for crack. a woman who turned tricks in front of her kids. a man who sold drugs out of the car while he rode 3 children around, no carseat. they almost laughed me out of the class. they were african-american. there was one other white chick, but her story involved slicing her husband's throat, so i doubt she was there for some easy reason. i went to every class, got a perfect attendance certificate and also a certificate for making a perfect score on my first try. the judge dismissed those, saying they weren't important. but they were important to me. and i ruined his life. i consider it a wash. but i ruined his life by something that he had a choice in. he had the choice to go to my apartment and also to visit anytime he wanted. i had no choice in going to jail, or to those horrible classes. i ruined his life 17 years ago and he forgot to tell me until yesterday.

1 comment:

  1. Mother's Day sucks for so many of us. I hope Monday was better for you.


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