old lady food and a funeral

i went to the funeral. i met my husband's lesbian cousin with the shaved head who kept playing with her crotch as if she was packing heat. i had to go to the bathroom and laugh silently into a wadded up bath towel.

when someone dies, people bring food. since i knew this was going to be an old lady funeral, i decided to eat there, where it would be delicious and free, versus the chinese place. so we saved $20! i ate:

1. 2 thin slices brown sugar ham
2. 1 T. coleslaw
3. 1 T. potato salad
4. 1 T. bbq beans
5. 1 t. bbq meat drizzled with a bit of sauce- i just wanted a bite!
6. 1 pig-in-a-blanket, full size roll with whole hotdog inside
7. 2 weird weird sushi-ish looking things that turned out to be green olives with pimentos on a piece of ham, with cream cheese smeared all over the ham, then rolled out and cut into individual olives. it looked like eyeballs. i think it may have a been a halloween recipe someone saw somewhere and thought it might be cute. it looked like an eyeball with puss around it with the pink open tissue tipped from inside an eye socket. i ate two, because i think they should be eaten in pairs. i think it was probably a recipe from the early '60s. cuz eating eyeballs? no thank you! 2 were enough! eyeball sushi is not something i anticipate craving.

there was also a ding-dong cake, which i refused. i don't eat desserts with naughty names made by uber christian ladies so they can say "ding-dong" over and over. i refuse to eat "better than sex chocolate cake" and i don't want to "drink a sex on the beach" or have a "screaming orgasm" either. i'd rather do those without liquor. the original is always better than a co[y. i don't eat things that sound like you should get carnal with it. just a rule.

i also had 2 crackers wrapped in bacon and baked. they were to die for, but the recipe sounds like something you might make if you were really stoned and got bad muchines and there was no other food in the house. those old ladies might be chiefing. maybe it's good for their bursitis.

i also met the floozy sister who is an rn and goes to vegas twice a year, but dresses like she's in vegas all year long. she had on some orange knit pants with the seam up the front and a wild polyester blouse with orange around the neckline. then she had on at least a medium-sized box of jewelry, with at least a ring or two on every finger. just dripping with the bling. sister had her hair dyed deep red and wearing it in cascading waves down her back. she was 63. her skin was the color of old wax candles and she had on a ton of make-up, but underneath all the make-up, she was spotted! so many liver spots it looked like an animal print! time for the porciellana fade cream. she talked about vegas constantly. she also said "ding dong cake" quite a number of times.

his aunt was cremated and her urn was buried under the headstone. she had planned her own service down on paper before she passed. people got up and told stories about her. i didn't. several people told of her going over to the church worksite next door to her and working at night, alone, putting in the flooring and cleaning up the worksite.

the crowd was shocked at the end, when her granddaughter had asked no prayers be said for her, you could sense the tension.

we took the correct route home this time and shaved 20 minutes and 32 miles short off the best time.

there was no reading of the will, but i overheard the attorney tell the executor of the estate that everything would go out in the mail in the morning. hummm, i wonder...

we haven't heard from joe's friend in almost 2 months. he must be having a hell of a relapse. take it from elmo, drugs are bad. is that message not everywhere? where's the
Partnership For a Drug-Free America: Cocaine PSA - (1987)
Uploaded by poundsdwayne47. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.">nose sniffing up the color tv when you need it?

facebooking

i was thinking tonight about my DIL "unfriending" me on facebook. seriously, that's supposed to cause ww3? facebook is stupid, if i didn't play "yoville" i wouldn't ever have started. but back to the subject, i'm supposed to be really devasted by this maneuver made by her, the coup de grace.

what grade am i supposed to be in? today that made me laugh off loud. which is ok, i don't have a lot to laugh at these days.

so here is my facebook entry.


i had a moment of clarity and hilarity. someone did something stupid that was meant to hurt me and i realized that it's not what they did that hurt my feelings, but all the evil and venom they put into doing this stupid gesture that hurt me. i was suddenly hit with how stupid their gesture was in the first place, and how stupid they are to think that their little evil action is going to ruin my life. for the first time, in a long time, i laughed out loud. i spent too much time sad because of their evil effort and today it hit me how stupid and petty they are to have done what they did. thank you, idiotic evil one, for the best and hardest laugh i've had in a long time. prepare to be evicted, you can't live rent-free in my head anymore. you will need me before i will need you. by the way, i learn from my mistakes, unlike you. don't let the door hit you where the good lord split you. consider this bridge burned! have a good life, dingbat!

had i tweeted this, it would have to be more succinct.

i think i told you the story about how a few months ago chicky dissed me on facebook, denied doing it and has now unfriended me. i'm supposed to crushed by this. i did send her an apology via the "make a friend" button and she denied me a from being her friend. good for her. her birthday is in 3 weeeks. i hope she remembers that we aren't friends.

the funny part is she thinks the mere act pisses me off. it's not that, it's how important she thinks social media is...did i miss something? she thinks she really hurt my feelings because she did that. no, i;m not sad about facebook, i am sad you want to hurt me so bad.

and all i ever did was be her friend.

i was kinda down over this tonight. but then i hit me and i just had to laugh at her stupidity.

she 'unfriended' me. i can't buy her christmas or birthday or anniversary or just because gifts if we aren't friends.

she's not my friend.

i'm crushed. haha.

i submitted my essay to real simple. you had to finish the sentence "i never thought i..." my answer was "...become a mother-in=law."

i don't look to win the prize, but it would be enough to pay off my car. it felt good to get it down on paper regardless. which is priceless.

a twitter party and an away giveaway

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Party Topic:
This Tuesday, September 28, help us kick off Breast Cancer Awareness month by joining the #gno Twitter party from 9-11 ET (8-10 CT, 7-9 MT, 6-8 PT) with the amazing gals from Snapfish by HP and our team of mom bloggers.
Be sure to click here to check out this week’s giveaway where you can enter for a chance to win one of FIVE $50 Snapfish gift certificates.
Party Details

What:
Girls’ Night Out (#gno) Twitter party (Click here to learn about #gno!)
Sponsor: Snapfish by HP

When:
Tuesday, September 28 from 9-11 p.m. EST (8-10 CT, 7-9 MT, & 6-8 PT)
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Topic:
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Who:
Brand Panelists TBD
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just like mother's day

my son promised to come by today after church. however, in a pattern that is rapidly repeating itself, he was left with 2 vehicles with no gas and no money to buy gas. i offered to give him money to come over her, but he declined. turns out his wife is asking her mother for money. i thought she didn't believe family exchanged money, so i can only assume the money is a gift and not a loan. otherwise, to return the money would constitute an exchange. i thinks it's the paying back part she dislikes.

i hate this. it makes me want to cry because she is treating my son like a battered spouse and even sadder, he's taking it from her.

i can't change her, only court-ordered psych evaluation might be able to do that.

i didn't cry this time. does it mean i am starting not to care?

i hope not.

life lessons

i have a younger sister. actually, she weighs more than me, so right now, i am "the skinny one" although i still have to shop the plus sizes.

when my car messed up, she offered me $300. i told her to keep it and we would see if i needed it. i didn't want to take it from her if i really ended up not needing it. then she called 2 weeks later and told me, never mind, she doesn't have it. that's okay. i ended up ebaying a few possessions, having a garage sale, buying my groceries at the salvage store (train wrecks, etc. you have to inspect it really closely and make sure you can run the cans through a can opener) and gave up going out to eat. i also didn't buy a single thing i didn't need desperately.

today she tells me that she ordered $200 bucks worth of lancome make-up. then she told me about eating brunch at this expensive place downtown. she also had her nails done and a facial at some spa on thursday- a treat from her husband.

i feel really poor, and really jealous.

i just have to keep going 19 more days until my next check. i have gas, i have medicine, i have groceries, i have laundry detergent, shampoo, toilet paper and soap. i don't smoke, so that's not an issue.

i do have a funeral to go to this week, my husband's elderly aunt. she was 82 years old and while she was more of a broad than a lady, i had great respect for here. if you didn't know she was married with 2 sons, you would have thought she was a big butch lesbian. she work men's work shoes or boots, over-alls and flannel shirts all the time. she had a short and snappy haircut that required noting but a swipe from a comb whipped from your back pocket. she smoked unfiltered camels and drank those little cokes in glass bottles you had to buy special from the bottler (she eventually caved and bought cans). she wore a baseball cap and drove a pick-up, always white.

she died of lung cancer. she would only quit when they threatened her with going back to the nursing home.

luckily there is enough gas in either of the cars to get there. my vote: drive the cheapo car and splurge on dinner at the cheap chinese place on the way home- it's 100 miles each way!

at one point, my husband and i and my son were in the will of the deceased relative. i know it has been changed several times since then. if we get some cash, good deal. maybe it will be enough money to pay off my car. or maybe enough to fill the propane tank.

if my son gets some money, his wife will have it spent before he gets home.

i don't care if we get a penny, i learned a lot from her:

1. make your own mistakes. it's easier to live with that way.
2. get your education one truth at a time. use your life experiences and learn from them.
3. if you want to learn something, write it repeatedly until you can write it by heart.
4. if you want something to be a secret, never put it in print or say it out loud.
5. when life is difficult and it would be easier to bury your head under the covers, don't! it's better to spend the time doing a simple task with mindless repetition while you think the whole thing over. at least you will have your chore done, your thinking cleared out and you will have more energy. you will probably be able to sleep better if you are exhausted and the majority of your worrying will be done.
6. don't make hasty decisions- good or bad. consider all things.
7. it's okay to cry- just do it in private and make sure it's important.
8. whether you believe it or not, you are known by the company you keep. and your company is known by you, so keep your nose clean.
9. there's a nice, polite way to say anything. the best insult is one that takes the recipient a few days to figure out it was an insult.
10. always smile. that way people will take you serious when you stop smiling.

i will miss aunt do-do, like the bird.

wallowing in pity

ok, enough of this crap of tiny posts. i forget this isn't twitter!

but i can't think i much to say. i am stuck here in this house until SOMEONE finds a job. i don't think he is looking very hardm especially if he feels as depressed as i feel. i feel dead inside.

dying embers

i can only hope that i see no more firefighters. the town has an official burn ban right now. i can't wait to get the list of crap people aren't allowed to burn.

i wonder if phonographic records will be on there. the hoa where i used to live had a ban on burning phonographic records (KISS, rolling stones, etc) and large volumes of printed materials (like peyton place and are you there god? it's me, margaret?.

yes, they gave those examples. i should have moved away from that place years before i finally left.

life sucks

i am in a holding pattern.

i lack the energy to get up, to get out, to do anything.

i need a vacation.

i don't care where i go.

i don't care what i do.

i don't care when i come back.

i don't care if i come back.

i just want to not

be. here. now.

did they add more month when i wasn't looking?

it's only september 1st and i am broke!

i just took the target gift cards i was saving for christmas and bought groceries.

the target i went to isn't yet a grocery store (coming september 9th!) so i had to buy a lot of processed foods- canned and frozen crap i wouldn't make my first food choices if i had cash.

but i won't go hungry!

ode to the damage the succubus caused

in-laws become outlaws, friends become foes,
but the ones who always love you aren't people you chose.

they gave you life, they gave you comfort, they gave you morals,
they always love you in spite of the quarrels.

one day you'll realize they won't be here forever,
so make the most of your time with your parents, it's now or never.

always love them and never forget,
love them now and you'll have no regret.

once they are gone, you'll fear the future and grieve the past,
so take the present they give, it will not last.

time is short and comes at great cost.
turn your back on them now and all is lost.

one day you will have grown children of your own,
they may reject you and leave you all alone.

it with hit you like a boulder with the weight of its truth:
you bought that loneliness from your parents with the ignorance of your youth.