my life was "the office"...

i used to work for a very good company. i was phyliss. i had a very bad boss. he was horrible. he makes michael scott look like a role model for communicating with others. he was always doing crazy stuff, like very other yearly review would say the opposite of the review before it but not on shades of grey. his comments ran from "fails to provide management with timely updates" to "too dependent upon feedback from management to make decisions on her own."

i would spend my time doing his work while he sat in his cube cruising the messages he got from his personal add ( he was serial cheating on his gay lover) or trolling the world of warcraft chatroom. yeah, real management material.

yea, like i went from never telling you anything, to telling you too much? he had no idea of the crap i FIXED before it got to be a situation.

when i went on medical leave, they hired 4 temps to do my job. four. 4. four. 4 4 people to do my job. 4.

one of them quit at 4:30 and told them she wouldn't be back again, that she had never been so insulted or disrespected on a job before.

amen, sister.

shoot ahead, after i have been let go and i know i am not coming back, i get a call from a friend in human resources. she tells me that my boss is in jail for stealing goods from the company, like 3 million. they are trying to keep from going to the authorities. they don't want it to leak it to the press. their creditors would have a conniption fit. he aroused suspicion when he purchased a home on the river in cash.

they want me to come back and help them find dirt on what he has done. from what they could gather, he dogged me while i was on medical leave and told everyone i didn't know what i was doing. he changed the processes i had in place, proccesses i might add, that were thoroughly documented and every kink fixed so it was a smooth cycle.

he had the returns process discontinued. so instead of keeping track of returns, removing it from the store's inventory and making sure it is actually returned by the trucking company, he stopped doing all that. he simply had them send the furniture once a week to his house.

yeah, real thought out.

the crap hit the fan when inventory time came and managers were finding their jobs on the line for shrinkage, items lost being things they had returned that should have been removed from their inventory.

and every issue led right back to his new process, and the truckloads of furniture he was having sent to his house. he had a big sale on saturday mornings and sold it out of his garage. he had every interior designer in town beating down his door to buy designer furniture.

hr and security escorted him out the door when it was discovered. he had to make the walk of shame. i was told the entire office clapped when he walked out. usually they make everybody go in a meeting, escort them out, then hr cleans up the office to box up their personal items and we would go out of the meeting to find them gone and their office stripped to the bare walls. but they made an example of him, message being: don't screw with us!

i refused. they didn't need me then, why should they need me now? no one ever took my complaints seriously. why should i take their issues seriously?

i found out later that they had him arrested for theft, he served 6 months and was ordered to repay $885,000. i hope he got 500 years probation too.

yesterday, out of curiousity, i looked him up on the internet. he has a new job. i found his resume. he states his reason for leaving the company as "mission work overseas." he also lists his prior experience as an operations manager at a trucking company, which was actually his lover's job.

the little devil inside me wants to call his new job and be sure i "keep management informed with timely updates" so he will get fired.

but something tells me he won't need my help. the truth will out him, every time.

"i don't work for you!"

an amish experience

i went to the amish community about 60 miles from here with my horse friend the other day. after getting the horse shod for an amazingly small amount ( we always double his fee and round it up to the nearest five, so we make sure we give him a living wage), we drove around to a few of the houses. some of them have things for sale and they have a small shed used as shop. at one of the houses, i met a very nice elderly woman. she had no teeth and little granny glasses and was totally gray under her bonnet. i thought she was about 60.

there were a bunch of children around, so i asked her how many children she had. she HAD TO USE HER FINGERS to count to 14. then she amazed me by telling me that 2 of the toddlers were HER CHILDREN and the other 3 were grandchildren.

the she told me she has a baby in the NICU "in town" that had been there 7 weeks!

my mind thoroughly blown, i told her about my son and how big and strong he is at 26. she smiled, so i hope it helped her.

then she told me the kids speak dutch until they go school. she showed me some furniture her husband was making to take to the hospital to thank them- very nice! she said they didn't want to accept "aid" but they had no choice. so he was making the most beautiful rockers for the mother and children in the nicu, to help pay back. i'm glad they were smart enough to accept help and not let their child die.

at this point, i was crying. she patted me on the hand and said, "don't be sad. things will all work out. the lord will always be with my child."

then i went crazy and spent all my cash on her wares. now i'm surrounded by jams and jellies and relishes. i'm having to make meals from the pantry beause i blew part of the grocery money on canned goods. once i told my husband the story, he said it was cool. good thing he likes jelly. i forsee a lot of biscuits and eggs in our immediate future.

then i got to wondering how much the hospital bill for 7 weeks might be up to by now. and how hard it must be for her to be so far away from her child in the nicu. she would have to go by buggy and horse to visit.

now i wish i had offered her the use of my cellphone so she could check up on her child. i hope someone is acting as a liason and bringing her word of her child's condition. maybe they are mailing her postcards on a daily basis. i was just so conflicted. i want to help her but i don't know how.

it was an eye-opening experience.

anybody want a jelly biscuit?
 
i bet my imaginary smartcar could beat her buggy in a race!
 

hb2me

today is my birthday. i am 45.

now i have to use the check box labeled 45-49.

45 is old, when you say it out loud.

but it doesn't feel old.

when i think back on my past birthdays, and i remember the drunken loud shots of tequila at a bar in overton square (can't remember the name- must have had a really wonderful time!) and the quiet family dinners at home.

but the one i remember the most was my 6th bithday. the year i got the cinderella cake whose topper i miss dearly. i got a pendant watch that said cinderella on it and came packaged in a white plastic pumpkin. looking back, i think it may have been an illegal bootleg counterfeit.

my mother made me sit outside while she set things up. my little sister was in the house too, she kept making faces through the window at me. i couldn't have seen in anyway, the kitchen window was about 6 feet off the ground and a bit tall for a newly six year-old girl.

when i walked in, my mother gave me a crown to wear. it a crown from burger king she had decorated with all kinds of junk- feathers and beads and sequins. very fancy! my grandmother had taken the crown the king's place gave me and she sewed on all the embellishments. we had ice cream and cake. we drank sprite out of REAL GLASS champagne saucers. i also got a partridge family coloring book and crayons. my aunt sent me a purple suede donny osmond belt.

i was hot stuff.

we had pizza and corn- my favorite!- before we had the cake and ice cream. then it was gifts! my little sister gave me a wizard of oz cosmetic set. it had REAL LIPSTICK!

and a compact with a mirror, REAL POWDER and a REAL PUFF!

and that night i felt special.

i feel special today. because turning 45 means that while life got me down, it didn't get me out. i'm still here. i may be missing a few parts and i'm still carrying around too many pounds, but i am proud of who i am. not my physial shell, but my soul and my heart. i have few friends, but the ones i have are true friends. i get in fights with my daughter-in-law but i protect myself and sometimes i let her win when it's something that doesn't matter in the long run. i'm being tolerant and patient, but no one is running over me. i am not a door mat. i am not a punching bag. i am no one's joke.

and if they DO think i am a joke, then they are the punchline.

i am taking no hostages but i am not going down without a fight.

i wonder how i will feel when i get to the next check box, 50-54.

i miss jon & kate + 8

weakness

since i buy my own birthday gifts, i bought myself a nice notebook with a 3 inch ring and a handle and everything zips up all nice and neat. i also bought the pages used for baseball cards, which i will fill with coupons. i still have a few days left on my amazon prime trial, so i should be receiving it tomorrow or friday.

i am sure once i get used to it, it will save me a bit more money, i hope it pays for itself within the first month.

so i don't feel deprived, i also got a set of philosophy cologne, with some       3-in-1 gel and perfumed lotion. i saved 20% on it during a special promotion drugstore.com had last month. i love the 3-in-1, it's the best to take swimming and only have to take one bottle to the shower and use for everything.

i also love their vanilla birthday cake and lemonade scents. i have a bottle of gingerbread man- which smells like gingerale- that we use for the dog. before you decide i'm crazy, keep in mind this is a big bottle that they sent me free when i signed up for their email letter, or maybe it was my birthday, i don't really remember now. so, no, i'm not spending $16 for dog shampoo, i'm using some free stuff. i also have eggnog and cocoa fudge but i am not crazy about those. i wonder how my if my dog would like to be a nog dog.

i did some computer work today and earned 2 really pretty cut glass platters, 2 bingo game and mancala game for my grandkids, and had a great lunch. today i sat with a woman whose son had given her a desktop when she asked him for a typewriter. she gets confused and can't remember what is the internet and what is not the internet. she keeps mixing up windows and world wide web.

if i had a typewriter, i'd give it to her.

if i had a smartcar, i'd drive it to her house and give her a typewriter.

drug-free shopping spree

my husband was let go from his job yesterday morning, before he punched in. we both suspected it was coming, business has been way down and something had to give. they also ditched half of the sales people.

but he got a call last night from someojne he works with, and a car battery blew up in one of the worker's face and burned him severely. the worker who got hurt was doing my husband's job. so i am very thankful he was let go before his shift started, not after.

he went to an all-call for a major corporation today and got his resume in. he had planned on going anyway, but now he has more motivation. they said they would be calling him next week!

he will apply for unemployment and it will come out to about the same as he got with his hours cut. i just need to find something to fill in the holes.

i went thrifting last week and found a few pieces of anti-bellum silverware. i am going to sell it but i am trying now to figure out if i should sell them as tableware or silver by the ounce. tableware seems to be the way to go, and if i list each at 9.99 and get that, i will be a happy camper. there are three that are special and i will be keeping those until i am sure of what i have here.

today i went with a friend shopping, a male friend of my husband's. he wanted advice on buying curtains and it was fun. we picked out some cut ones, as well as rods and tiebacks. then we hit sonic happy hour. my husband has been teasing me about my "date".i had known him since i was 1, so if i were going to actually date him, i would have done it before now. and definitely before i got married! ut we get along great and it's fun to get out with someone who looks at as much crap as i do. we also bought him a few more things for his house, on clearance:

• new bed sheets for a queen bed, $13
• extra set of matching pillowcases, $3.50
• 12 towels, $3.50 each (he is moving his dogs cage into his bedroom and  needed something to put under it. he will use his old towels for that purpose and restock with the new bright white ones.)
• a pack of 18 washcloths, $2
• a couple of white face towels to put out in the bathroom, $2 each

my husband doesn't like to shop, so he was more than happy for me to have company.

and yes, it is the same friend with the cocaine problem. he has been going to aa meetings for 3 months now. he was going to hang out with us tonight, but he is getting his 90 day chip tonight. i offered to go with him, but he said not to bother. i think he is embarrassed. but i am making him a congrats card that i will stick in his car the next time i see him. i will just tell him how proud i am of him and how glad i am that we are friends.

he has a lot more cash now that he isn't snorting it up. so i guess we spent his drug money today. i am very pleased with his purchases and so was he. he was surpised at how cheap the clearance things were, and they actually match his decor. if it takes him buying a set of sheets a week to quit drugs, i hope he buys them. he is a lot of fun to be around when he isn't messed up and i hope he has seen the light.

so i guess today's frugal tip is, DON'T DO DRUGS! this message was brought to you from the clearance section at target and the letter "C"!

while we were out, we saw a red smartcar, but i didn't get a photo. he thinks i will get killed in it. he said it looks too much like a cozy coupe!

i ate chinese earlier today and had left-overs for dinner. my husband ate all his food at the restaurant. you know what he did....he ate my left-overs! he always does that! i can't even get pissed about it, he does it so often. i guess i need to hide them if i want to eat them.

his 49th birthday is coming up and i am having a little party from him. i was going to spend a small fortune on john deere themed party supplies, but now i am glad i didn't, since he won't have a check for a while. i can go after st. pat's and get the green stuff for 50% off! i can find yellow to add, like solo cups or napkins. it won't be as fancy, but i am making him a homemade cake and buying some frozen pizzas to doctor up. a party is still a party. i bought him a jd wallet, a jd a comforter set and an adult coloring book i found that has muscle cars in it. my sister bought him a different jd wallet and she is getting him a lowe's gift card, which i will get to use to buy flowers.

it also won't be a surprise party, as he will probably still be unemployed then. he is 50 next year and had told me he didn't want a 50th party. so i was going to surprise him with a 49th birthday party instead. that's out the window now.

i'm not going to get disappointed about this, it's only a minor setback. at least he didn't get a battery exploded in his face.

cutting up

lately, my husband has gotten into helping me coupon. he suts the coupons out he thinks i will use. the rest are sent into the circle. so if there is a coupon that the other ladies haven't clipped, i will end up wth a ton of coupons. this is a fun thing todo, and it's free.

once the coupons are cut, i put them in a file box in alphabetical order by brand name. i know most people do it by catergory, but here is my logic:

if i am looking for lysol toilet scrub, i have to go through a lot of coupons for other toilet scrbs and they all look the same. however, if i file them by brand name, i can quickly tell what the brand name is and what the shape is, so to me, it is much easier to find.

bonus: the coupon has a picture on it, so i can hand some off to my husband and say, "go find this please" and thanks to the picture on the coupon, he now knows exactly what it looks like! that saves me a lot of time. i also a send him to the home fragrance aisle with a bunch of glade and airwick coupons and tell him to find someting he likes.

another good thing about him cutting the coupons is that he keeps with thing we have coupons on, because he has seen it.

i have come across several blogs where the women claim that the binder system is much better and easy to use. you get those baseball pages and put one coupon in each pocket. it's supposed to be fast and easy to use, which means you save more money. i think i am going to look into buying a system. i can always sell it.