downsizing and super-sizing...at the same time

i was supposed to close on the house monday, but the bank is behind in processing mortgages. so i won't close until next friday, or maybe even the monday after that. i am eager to move and have been packing.. i put some furniture on craigslist list, as well as bobo''s mower. we sold a few things. i'd rather sell it than move it! a friend has graciously offered to move us with her horse trailer, so i'm trying to get the amount left to move down to the smallest amount possible.

i was packing up the master bathroom thursday, putting everything in a box that i don't think i will need, but still having it accessible since i'm not sure when i'll be moving. i came across the contents of the middle drawer- my personal lady things- and it hit me:

i haven't had a moon cycle since february. i'm not sure of the exact date since i keep up with it in my check register which i changed a few months ago and it is packed up with the stuff from my desk somewhere. i had to go through my blog archives to find out when that was and i had posted about being sick with the intestinal obstruction in the middle of february. i got my lady time then and i haven't had one since then.

i bought a couple of pregnancy tests at the dollar store yesterday. i took the first one yesterday- positive. i decided maybe it was defective, so i decided to take one with the first morning's urine.

i took one this morning with the morning's first urine- positive.

i freaked out.

i just sat there, looking at the little stick with the big plus sign.

oh god.

if only i had taken my grandson's advice from abut 6 months ago.

there is a story at my church that the water makes you pregnant. they have a baby dedication day every six months, and last week we had one.

scratchy: i saw what you did!
me: what did i do?
scratchy: i saw you drink the water. it will make you have a baby!
me: who told you that?
scratchy (loudly): EVERYBODY KNOWS!
me: so what should i drink?
scratchy: coffee!

it was a funny story. but suddenly it's not funny. here i am, 47 years old, lots of health problems and a baby on the way.

my husband has a doctor's appointment monday. i guess i will tag along and get a blood test.

i can't help but think back on the YEARS i spent trying to conceive. i have spent a fortune on pregnancy tests that were negative. i would have given my right arm for a baby. THEN. 25 years ago.

my son turned 29 2 weeks ago. i don't need a baby. i will be 60 when it hits middle school. my arthritis is so bad i am using a walker half the time. how am i going to take care of a baby? i am diabetic, that will get really out of control.

i'm in the process of moving to a smaller house. suddenly the house that seemed perfect for me and my husband seems too small to hold another living being. our dog- who is our baby too- will have to go away. he is too aggressive to be around a baby.

of course, i am moving into an area with a better school district. the bus picks up at the end of the block.

i am praying that the shitty tests are defective. i hope the blood test is negative.

i told bobo. he seems happy. i don't think it's really hit him yet.

all the signs were there but i missed them. no moon cycle for months- i thought it was just menopause, which i have been looking forward to with all my heart. napping almost everyday- i chalked that up to aging, even though that was what happened when i was 18 and pregnant, i wanted to sleep all the time.waking up sick- i thought it was because i have cut down on the pain medication and i figured it was a sign of mild withdrawal. i have lost 15 pounds but my clothes aren't getting any looser.

i'm not gonna freak out. but i will be putting a special prayer request in the box at church tomorrow.

please pray i am not pregnant. that is the last thing i need now.

packing and stacking

i got a call from the bank, but it was good! she wanted to know if i had picked out the insurance company to get my homeowners insurance through. i am getting it through the company i use for auto insurance, because i get a 20% discount for having both through the same company. i told her i would get a quote monday when i went to pay my car insurance and call her. then i timidly asked her if my stamped returns would be acceptable. she was all perky and said "oh yeah, we don't have a problem there!" my heart sang and i felt like a million concrete blocks had been lifted from my shoulders.

so i guess i no longer have an excuse to avoid packing. i mean, while it was unsure if i would move, it didn't make any sense to actually box everything up. if it hadn't gone through, i would just have to unpack everything and keep living in this crappy house. i have trashed a bunch of junk and got some piles of stuff together to donate. but now i have a reason to actually box it all up and label it. my son and chicky are moving this week-end, so i offered to help and called dibs on their boxes, which chicky reinforced with goo-gobs of tape. i have a pt cruiser, so the seats can come out and i will have a ton of space in the back to fill with their stuff.

my house is still full of paper. receipts, returns, all manner of paper crap. i have decided to pull out all the imminently pertinent stuff and keep it in my briefcase. the rest is going in a rubbermaid tote to organize later. i know i should go by the rules of "touch it once" but i will have plenty of time to sort and shred later. there is still a yard sale in my future. chicky is planning on having an inside sale, since their house will be vacant until it sells. i will bring my stuff over to go with their stuff and we will have one big open house inside yard sale. we won't have to worry about rain. they are right on a highway, so we will get lots of traffic.

we're going to advertise in the paper in the HUGE town nearby, as well as the local weekly paper. the local paper has junk like FHA news,editorials about the good ole days when women wore dresses and everybody drank sweet tea out of mason jars on the porches of their un-air-conditioned shotgun shacks, notices for livestock sales and rodeos and PAGES of classified ads. you can buy anything from church pews to home-grown vegetables by going through their ads. they never have any jobs in there except for long-haul truck drivers. but since it comes out every wednesday, people tend to keep them around until the next one comes out. mostly to kill flies with, as they drink sweet tea out of mason glasses and reminisce about the good ole days when cocaine was a penny a pound and they walked to school uphill both ways in the snow barefoot.*

\

so i have my days cut out for me. i want to get rid of anything that doesn't make me happy, improve my life through it's usefulness and i don't already have 4 of the same thing. i have a long way to go!

*this is from some comics act. i can't remember the name of the comic because i was laughing so hard i didn't catch the name.

snack time

my offer got accepted but there is a little snafu. i told her almost a month ago that i had mailed the tax returns the same day i went to see her. yesterday, i had to bring more paperwork and some cash. one of the forms was the request for the irs to send her copies of the returns. since it takes 4-10 weeks for returns to be processed, it hit about 30 minutes later that if she requested transcripts, it will show i did not file. i told her i would personally bring the returns to the irs station 60 miles away and get them to put them in the computer right away.

i went today and did that. i asked if they could write me a letter that they had been turned in. NO. could they fax copies of the returns to her, showing they had copies in hand? NO, they would only fax it to me. all that could be done was accepting the returns i have already mailed to them and turn them in again and they would stamp that it had been received.

i called her and she said it should be good enough, she would call me  if it wasn't. i took my stamped copies and left. she hasn't called me, so no news is good news.

the person i dealt with did not impress me. he was probably 450-500 lbs. he helped me navigate the doors in my walker, which was nice. i explained my situation to him- i have spent my rent money to get this house and now i may be homeless. the house i am in is in major disrepair and one of the toilets don't flush because they didn't install the septic system right. there are cracks around all the doors were the doors weren't installed right. he asked me what i wanted him to do. i asked him what he suggested be done. he tipped a bag of chex mix to his mouth and chomped down on what must have been about half a bag. he had a choking fit and actually sprayed me with soggy bits of chex mix FROM HIS MOUTH. I wiped my face as i watched him open a big bag of m&m's and shovel a handful in his mouth. i kind of steeled myself, because if he coughed up m&m's in my face, they could hurt. he took my returns, looked them over and said they looked right and he would make copies to stamp for me. i called the bank while he was gone and the bank chick said it would probably work. when he brought my copies back, he had a small bag of fritos he started on while he stapled and stamped my paperwork. he ate about 700 calories in the 10 minutes i was there. i am fat, but i am trying to lose more weight and there is no way i could sit at a desk and eat like that all day. i would end up puking. i ain't the pot calling the kettle black, but seriously, he needs to cut down the snacking. i don't think they are even allowed to eat at their desk.

happy, happy, joy, joy

my offer was accepted! i get my house!

the only bad side is that i have 18 days to pack up the house. chicky wants to have a yard sale this week-end. i will need my son to bring his truck over and take a load of bulky stuff to his house. i am unsure if i will sell my antique wardrobe. i bought it in 1985 for $35 and it's followed me to every house i lived in. if i sell it, i need to get $350, which is a great return on my money. i will miss my wardrobe. but i could get a new sofa for the price. i hope nobody buys it. i may just leave it here and take a picture of it to post at my yardsale. if they are interested, they can roll to my house and look at it in person.

i dread packing up my kitchen, i have too many dishes. i need to get the dishes all clean and leave out the plastic bowls and plates, then just pack everything else i want to take. i have way too much stuff.

i think i have too much stuff for several reasons:
* i grew up poor. more is better, right? unless you are packing it and moving it.
* i always tried to have 2 of everything, because i had too many horror stories at my house about women being left by their man and having nothing. with 2 of everything, if bobo wanted to leave, we would have enough for both of us and neither of us would suffer or scramble  to get a household together. i try to get rid of dishes now and bobo says, "hey, that's the bowl i eat cereal/rice/potatoes/assorted mundane food stuffs in! don't get rid of it!" so i am back to having too many dishes.
* i have these fantasies in my mind of having wonderful  dinner parties, but i never have them. if i ever do actually have a party, i will need them. i refuse to make delicious food and eat it off a freaking paper plates.cook-outs are okay, but not actual cooked recipes. my concoctions should be eaten off of china.

i need to get off of here and  start packing.

wish me luck and let me know if you need some assorted crap!