Part 1- Ways to Kill the Elf On The Shelf

As another holiday has just passed us by, I was party to a conversation about how glorious it is that there is no Bunny counterpart to Elf On A Shelf (EOAS). This gave way to ideas on how to take out the EOAS:

1. Tie it to a July 4th rocket
2. Dog toy
3. hung by the neck from the ceiling fan chain
4. Cut into bits inside a Pentagram
5. Leave him on a sushi restaurant conveyor belt on a $1.99 plate. Someone will eat him, with wasabi.
6. Let him hang from a rearview mirror before going through a carwash
7. Industrial shredder
8. Mulcher ( manly version of #7)
9. Lawn mower
10. Let Santa steal him and take him back home
11. Stick him in a random box of Rice Krispies at the store
12. Leave him next to the Keebler Cookies with a note explaining they are being forced to make cookies against their will, SEND HELP!
13. Poke his head through a broken restroom lock, as if he were a peeper
14. Stick him in a donation jar for a really bogus charity
15. Mail him somewhere obscure, like the Smithsonian 
16. Make a Bum Fight video of him getting his ass kicked by Flat Stan
17. Zip tie to a growing sunflower and let him go see the giant with the Magic Beans
18. Microwave- on popcorn setting
19. Mail him to Dane Cook, who will do freaky stuff to him
20. Use his as the birdie in a spirited game of badmiton