i want to go to sleep!

i did better last night  but still not good. i went to sleep at 2:00 in the afternoon and slept until 6:00. i got up and did laundry. i stayed awake- no couch napping! but then i watched snl while i was on the computer. then i watched a roseanne comedy show on logotv. then i had to watch an eisode of family on youtube since i have some gigs.

i should have stopped at the end of snl and gone to bed after taking my meds. but i stayed up so late i couldn't take my meds. i will try again today. i finally got to bed last night at 3 a.m. and went right to sleep. so tonight i am going to bed at 11:00 p.m. and take my meds. if i can do this for a week, i will be back on my good sleep cycle.

i think i may have gained a few lbs. but we are weighing monday for what is called a triple crown. if you don't gain any weight after thanksgiving, chrismas and new year's, you get a prize. so if i have a few lbs. gain this week, i have a few lbs. to play with. i just can't go overboard. i can do this and i will do this, holidays be damned. the good thing is that thanksgiving is going to be at my son's house, soi won't be tempted by left over food.

i am noticing that my dear dear daughter-in-law is trying to start a bunch of little fights with me. she always does around the holidays. but guess what- i have a secret weapon this year. my son is leaving her after the holidays. i'm not falling for her little crap this year. i bought her christmas gift she wanted- i bought it on ebay even though it is new so i could get her more of what she wanted. she knows i bought it on ebay, but she wanted the new scentsy pillar candle with the wraps. i got her a candle with 2 wraps for the price of the candle and one wrap. i am also saving tax and shipping. she can't sat a freaking word about it since it's what she wants and i asked her if she minded if a brand new item came from ebay. it was okay withher. she's just being a bit scrappy right now and i refuse to smile my way through a wall of tears during what will probably the last holiday i get to spend with her children- the ones i call my grandchildren. maybe i can keep in contact with them through her parents. they know she is nuts. her mother warned me about her before they married. but she was playing nice then. i wish i had heeded her mother's advice.

but soon she will be history.

i think she gets a controlling thrill by doing this. she knows you have to play nice when you are around other people. forget that this year. i will just smile with bright eyes, knowing she will be gone soon enough. yes, i know a smug heart is a sin. but this year i will just have to sin.

i didn't go to church today. i am having a bit of a moral dilemma. the sermons the last few weeks have been about tithing and how important it is to give 10% of your income before taxes. i have noticed a few changed. the pastor is now called "senior pastor", his wife lost her job in the secular owrld and she is the "music and worship pastor"- a title that must earn her a check. he got a wad of cash for his birthday to use for a vacation. he was given a brand new honda suv free by a member as a blessing. what happened to his truck he had? he didn't gift it to someone who needed it, he SOLD it! why not pass the blessings on? it's becoming more about money and things at that church. he did the "cafeteria christian" thing about tithing, picking and choosing the verses to reinforce his points. give, give, give. they are getting more fundie, like not allowing orange or black wrapped candy to be given out at the harvest festival- which is a lot more pagan than halloween! he spoke out against the twilight series, magic mike and fifty shades of grey. i'm not ready to go back into that lifestyle. god gave me a brain and i know how to use it. orange and black wrapped candies won't condemn the children to hell i'm sure the nursery allows them to use orange and black crayons. so when they get rid of the evil crayons, i will believe they are following a true conviction, not a fad.

besides, my husband is giving me a dvd of magic mike for christmas. he just doesn't know it yet, as i always shop for myself. and i already got this snazzy computer! i have some john deere oxfords coming soon, but they were needed anyway and i don't think they should count as a gift.

i wish my back pay would get  here before black friday, but if it doesn't i have a plan. i will shop target and get the specials that are household items i need- new pot & pans and a knife block. our pans are all burned and peeling, thereby i'm sure they will give us cancer. and i forgot the knives from our old house. they may be tucked away in a box in the garage, but if they are, i can't find them. i have been using a steak knife for all cutting purposes. not exactly cutting edge- haha!- culinary technology. i have a target debit card for an extra 5% off and i also have a 5% off RX reward card. so i will get the specials plus 10% off. AND target is giving away a $10 card to all those spending $50 on home items. so i am getting off cheap! any other gifts will come out of my dec. 15th check unless the back pay shows up in the next few days. i have bought the kids a nice gift each, so i will flesh that out with some gift cards.