time for a party...

...a pity party! if i come off as a bit whiny, please forgive me and check back later. i'm just going to vent. hope everyone is okay with that...

i have been in constant pain. it is in my pancreas. i played dr. google and discovered that diet can help, so i adopted the low-fat, no beef, and no booze pancreas diet.

i am also trying to avoid overly spicy foods. i may as well give my intestines a little rest.

it has helped. the pancreas pain has decreased but not disappeared.

to be honest, i'm terrified.

i took a diabetes drug that, it has been discovered, will shred your pancreas apart.

i have an appointment with the doctor next week. i explained everything and i'm getting a hefty discount, he may end up charging me nothing at all.

per drs. orders, i have contacted an attorney and i have proof i took the prescription, which was my biggest obstacle in filing an accutane lawsuit. i have that proof and my life insurance policy in a vinyl clear envelope in my nightstand.

i am scared something is really wrong.

patrick swayze died from pancreatic cancer. bobo's cousin died from pancreatic cancer- he was going to the doctor on wednesday and they buried him on a saturday. he never had any symptoms until 5 days before he died.

i am afraid to go to the doctor. i am trying to get things accomplished now, so i don't have to deal with them once i get my diagnosis and have to go through whatever the treatment is....or whatever the treatment isn't.

i am finishing up my evil job of recreating my financial landscape for one certain government agency. i am afraid i have missed a deadline and i spoke to them about it today. i'm screwed. she said they initiate a levy again at anytime. of course, i just have to call and get it extended again, if they reissue it. i am SO CLOSE to finishing the whole darn thing. i keep going back and adding things. right now, i am due a refund, which pisses me off, because they want me to make payment arrangements to keep them from collecting. just give me a few days! please, for the love of god, give me until monday!

end of pity party!