oh, baby!

okay, so i have been waking up early, working on legal crap.

and going back to sleep.

but last night i had the weirdest dream. i dreamed my husband was at wal-mart and i had a baby (i think i have watched that tlc show i didn't now i was knocked up or whatever it's called WAY TOO MUCH!).

i was on the toilet and squatted down to catch the baby. i tied the cord off. then MY DOG came in and ate the rest of the cord and placenta (what can i say, he'll eat anything) so i put him in his cage. i diapered the baby in a bandana and wrapped it up in the dog's blanket with the paw print all over it.

i'm a bad dream mommy: i fed the baby diet coke with a straw and it went to sleep.

i called my husband at wal-mart and told him to bring home diapers and formula and a carseat. he asked me if it was a boy or girl- all calm like. i couldn't remember and i refused to look because it might wake up.

he said he needed to know if it was a boy or girl, because all the diapers were either for boys or girls. i told him to get some plain ones. then he got the store manager involved and told me he needed to know if it was a boy or girl so he could buy the correct car seat. i told him it didn't matter. then he asked what kind of clothes to buy. i told him to go to the police department, get a unisex plain car seat and we would take the baby to wal-mart and let it pick out it's own clothes. he said he couldn't do that because the police would want to know where the baby came from. i told him it came FROM MY VAGINAAAH!

i told him to just come home and we would borrow a car seat from the church, just buy some maxi pads to stick in the diaper. then i hung up and picked up the baby and waited for him to come home. the baby woke up and it had big blue eyes and a pretty smile.

i never found out what sex it was.

then i woke up and for some stupid reason, i got a pencil and paper and made a list of the basic things i would to take care of a baby. yep, i'm up at 4:00 a.m. making a list of things i need for my fake baby.

if you ever need to know, email me. i'll send it to you.

i still don't know if it was a boy or girl.

i told this dream to my husband. his answer:

"oh, i would just buy those huggies diapers that look like blue jeans."

leave it to a man!

but again, will my imaginary baby seat fit in my imaginary smart car?

snooze

okay, i just woke up.

so sue me.

the house won't get cleaned today.

who cares.

phone calls and legal shit won't get completed.

bfd.

let it snow please.

have you melted yet?

on the good side, i'm getting my shoes back. i explained it to my sister. and i am working on being a cheerful giver.

i've gotten in touch with a few old friends on facebook. suddenly all the cool chicks from high school are "friending" me and these are the heifers who wouldn't look twice at me in high school, unless it was to give me a dirty look or make fun of what i wore. out of all these women, i'm the only one who's been married the longest, and to only one man!

i also have less wrinkles than ALL those tanned beauties from the class of 1982. snow white had the right idea.

i have the feeling one of my old friends has died or alienated her entire family. they used to be close and i friended her sister-in-law. there is no mention of my old friend or photo of her anywhere on her page. i don't want to bring it up because i don't need to stir the pot, so to speak.

i slept 19 hours today. must be the heat. i think i was kind of awake during a&e tv's "obsessed" because i was dreaming about cleaning. gotta see the rerun and compare my dream to it.

i vow tomorrow to clean the house up and not sleep all day.

we'll see. it's so hot.

history is repeating itself...oh,and shoes!

i wish my sister had never asked me to write the letter about my rotten childhood. i think i had lulled myself into a false sense of security in the years my family forgot about me. now i see the same old crap coming to the surface.

i don't normally let people into my clothing closet. the things in there belong to me. but since bobo was helping me with my mom and he's catching the alzheimer's too, i took my mom into my room to get her out of bobo's hair so he could finish watching a nascar race in private. she picked out a pair of my favorite shoes and had a fit over them. she kept going on and on, and tried them on. she told me that my sister NEVER buys her new shoes and she really wanted a pair like this so. so i ended up giving her a pair of my favorite shoes because i felt sorry for her. after all, she gets $1,400.00 in social security benefits that my sister DOESN'T spend on her. so there go my shoes i haven't worn that often because they made me feel special.

then my sister picks her up yesterday and the shoes go home with her. MY MOM GAVE THE SHOES TO MY SISTER! my sister says she really likes them, they are cute shoes to fun around in. um no, they are special shoes that match half of my clothes! so my good shoes are now my sister's clodhoppers. my mother complained they hurt her across the toes. funny, she never mentioned that when she was begging me to give them to her. i feel cheated, like she took them under false pretenses. i feel again like the 15 year-old girl who could never do anything to please her mother.

i want my shoes back. my sister is notorious for doing this crap to me. in high school, i had a very nice pair of evening shoes. i didn't wear them all the time, i wore them on special occasions. one day i'm at lunch and see my sister tottering across the smoke hole WEARING MY GOOD SHOES! she stole them and wore them at school. by the end of the day, the heels were worn down and ruined. the soles were scuffed and almost had a big hole in one. when i complained to my mom, she just laughed and said something to the effect that shoes are meant to be worn. okay, you wear shoes, but you don't have to wear them out. i ended up throwing them away because they weren't special anymore.

so now, thirty years ater, she's doing the same thing to me. i want my shoes back.

i think i learned my lesson this time. but i miss my shoes.

since my mother was gone, bobo and i planned to go out and eat. but the restaurant we were going to eat at is the weekly featured restaurant in the promo run by a local tv station. you order a $25 certificate and they send you two $25 certificates. we decided to order the certificates and go there to eat once we have the certificates, so it will be cheaper. we only ever go there on friday and saturday nights. they have a big seafood buffet with CRAB LEGS and steaks and lots of other good things. i can taste the crab legs now. hopefully we will get the certificates this week and i can eat CRAB LEGS next week!

i actually went out into the garage and surveyed the mess that is left. i did manage to move the trash can out there, but i was so worn out from the heat, nothing else got done. i plan on throwing a wad of trash out each time i get in or out of the car. if only i could build up this determination when the temperature is not 100 degrees, i might actually accomplish something.

there are a lot of items out there i can list on craigslist or ebay and make some money.

when will winter get here?

don't you forget about me!

it's been a while since i have posted here. i've had a lot going on, none of it my fault or my troubles.

• my 2 nieces got in a fishfight over a cellphone. police were called. in fact, it was a night they were filming the lifetime series "policewomen of memphis", so you may have a chance to see it for yourselves.
• my sister was put in the middle of all this junk and ended up checking voluntarily into a mental health facility. she's out now- i think they made her leave because they were afraid she would take over.
• since my mother has alzheimer's, she can't be by herself. she's been staying with me so she won't be alone. i don't care what anyone says, aleheimer's is contagious. i think she is giving it to me.
• i'm still watching my mom, but only because my sister has outpatient therapy everyday.
• it turns out my older niece has an assault conviction no one knew about. she also lost her concealed gun permit, which no one new about.
• the same older niece's husband is nothing but trouble- lost his driver's license because he failed to pay fines to the court. his case? on his 18th birthday, he and a pack of his deadbeat buddies got drunk and accosted a homeless man. they took his shopping cart, stole NINE CENTS from him and beat him up. the homeless man pressed charges and my niece's husband was the only adult- remember, it was his 18th birthday. he served 6 months in the county jail and never paid a single dime on his fines. i say all this because at his job, he drives customer's cars- with no license! all this crap coincided with a change in management at his job and they are checking the validity of everyone's licenses. my sister got blamed for this.
• my sister is pissing me off because i'm keeping mom while she does her 14 day outpatient therapy. she keeps calling in and cancelling days of therapy. so i am keeping mom a lot more that i had anticipated. i get $40 a week to help with the groceries and she's keeping the rest of mom's social security check.
• she asked me to write a letter detailing the abuse i received as a child at the hands of my mother, which stirred up a whole hornet's nest of emotions i had kept under lock for good reason. i don't have a staff of trained psychologists and a slew of drugs to help me with the emotions i have opened up, so i am crying at the drop of a hat and sleeping a lot.
• bobo still doesn't have a job, so he is able to help me. he had an interview last friday at a certain store which uses a red bullseye as it's logo. he should know something by friday. the messed up part if that the day before they called him for an interview, he got an email that they couldn't offer him employment at this time. he is waiting on a phone call (good) or letter (bad). he got another email again saying they couldn't offer him a job. since he was told to ignore any electronic communication, he is in a real quandry right now as to what his status is concerning employment.

the good news? unemployment benefits have been extended! YEAH! so i can count on having enough money for gas and groceries for a while yet.

as i re-read this, i sound really cold-hearted when it comes to my mom. we have a unique situation when it comes to this, so i will explain that later. i am just too drained to go into all that right now.

trust me, it's been total chaos around here lately.

anybody got any good news to spill?

in other news, mel gibson is under fire for shooting off his mouth. if you want to discuss it, go to melgibsonwithoutpity.blogspot.com. it's my new baby hoping to cash in on "mad mel mania."

have a good day.

eat some cake for me!